Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I am invited over to a friend's home for dinner tonight and although I struggle with having to eat past a certain time, I have accepted the invitation/challenge. I feel quite nervous about it, but I honestly need some quality time as well. Life is hard enough already.
@UnderTheSilverMoon - I'm so proud of you for taking on the challenge! It would be easy to isolate yourself and avoid eating the scary meal, but to embrace both the invitation and the friendship is wonderful, and hopefully being around a friend and the love she brings will help power you through the meal. You've got this!
@Anomalia Thank you so much for believing in me. I'm actually really looking forward to it right now. :)
I'm feeling ok. Its just been a battle to get back in the grove of things I purged on Thursday and havent since so I'm just trying to keep my thoughts good and keep pushing forward staying over at my friends helps a bit. Just trying to stay positive. Went to the Dr's and lost 6lbs so i think thats what triggered it Thursday that i needed to lose more. Im not going to let it define me i cant i won't.
@decembernight0608 - as always, you impress me with your determination and strength. Being triggered is hard, rebounding after a brief relapse is hard, but you have so much strength in you and you can and will get back on track. If you need some extra support, please reach out to someone, whether here or elsewhere. Take care
I am going to therapy for the first time Monday and I am really scared and anxious
@MeltingFall21 - Going for the first time can definitely be scary, so your anxiety is completely understandable. But I'm thrilled to hear that you're trying therapy. Sometimes a professional can offer so much more help than anyone else, and I think this will be amazing for your recovery. If you have any specific fears, it might to talk about them, so feel free to reach out to me or another listener if we can help support you. Take care, and good luck on Monday!
Tired, depressed, brain foggy.
I wish changing eating patterns were easier.
@justbe123 - It is so hard, and I wish I had a way to make it easier for you, but there isn't one. That said, it does get easier with time. The more you adjust to the new eating patterns, the easier and more manageable they will seem. Right now you just need to push through, reach out for support, and be kind to yourself. You can do this.
I just had a snack because I was hungry, which I haven't allowed myself to do in... I don't even know how long. No guilt!
Woohoo! That's awesome! *throws confetti*
Congratulations and great job! :)
Does anyone else have this thing that when they are in a good mood you see yourself as skinny and pretty but as soon as your mood worsens you start to see fat everywhere and you look so different from before. It so infuriating because I feel like I can't tell how I actually look
@Amicablefigcake Yes!! I find it so confusing..
@Amicablefigcake - I can absolutely relate to that. For me, it was(/is) often that I'll feel really go when I go out, but pictures later are hard for me to deal with, and I agree that not feeling like you can trust what you see is really frustrating and confusing. I wish I had words of wisdom to offer, but I don't, just my empathy and understanding. Take care
I just feel hopeless
@Kiley15 - I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling hopeless right now. Do you think it might help to talk to someone about what's going on? We have some really great teen listeners who would be happy to talk to you and support you, if you reach out. Take care, sweetie.
Hungry..this voice in my head is undefeatable. I just don't want to eat cause it's telling me to starve... I hate all this ..
@Shallan - That voice is incredibly hard to fight, but it's not undefeatable. You can beat this. What have you tried so for? Have you spoken to anyone about what's going on? I promise you that you have the strength to get through this and come out healthier, happier, and loving yourself on the other side. Take care
I'm feeling ok. Not good nor great just in between. I'm on day five and I've been fighting my urges to purge and I'm back to being afraid to eat. I wish people would understand how hard this is. It's not easy,telling me to eat makes me want to eat less. It's hard when no one understands the constant war that is going on in my mind. One day I'm saying yes eat treat yourself dont feel guilty you are made this way the next my mind is saying don't do it you'll regret it you are never going to be skinny so just starve yourself. I have my good days and my bad days. I keep going back to how I feel like I failed on those 17 days. I worked so hard to eat decent and not binge nor purge. I know I shouldn't be hard on myself, but it was so hard to get to those 17 days. I'm just trying to keep my mind busy, listening to music, watching tv anything to keep me from binging or purging.
@Decembernight0608 - it sounds like you're doing everything right right now - you're working hard to get through each day, you're giving yourself the relaxation or distraction that you need, you're reaching out. Those are all great things. I know how hard it is when your mind is at war with itself and when you keep looking back to the 17 days, but try to keep looking forward. You can do it again. You have the strength and the willpower. You can recover.
As to the people around you not understanding - you're absolutely right. If they haven't been there, they can't fully understand. But there are a lot of resources, both online and off, targeted at helping friends and family understand. If you think they're willing to try, it might help them a lot to read the words of other people who have struggled so that they understand that this is what recovery looks like - slow, messy, and hard. And until then, you know you have our support, love, and understanding. Take care, and stay strong.