Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I still feel so small. But. I did feel hungry today and had a sandwich. I know it's silly, but i was proud of myself. I haven't even felt hungry in forever. I don't know what's wrong with me.
@deliverykarma - there's nothing silly about that at all! It's a huge step and you deserve to be proud of it! In fact, *throws confetti in the air and dances* let's celebrate! :)
Keep it up and stay strong!
Feeling so lost at what to do - my best friends are anorexic and suffer from bulimia, I hate it when they look at thinspiration and talk so casually about starving. I want to help them but can't because I don't eat either, and I've been doing it for a lot longer than they have. I just feel like they're in a much more severe situation and I can't do anything to stop them. >.<
@MidniteAngel - it sounds like all of you are in a pretty dangerous situation. It might be time to think about reaching out for help, and maybe you could do it together. Or checking out a support group or a therapist, or even just taking a look through some resources online. Feeding off of each other's disorders isn't healthy, but committing to recovery together just might be.
That said, at the end of the day, you can only control yourself, and you are going to have to choose recovery for yourself before anyone else is going to follow. Does it feel like it might be time to start that process and reach out to someone about it?
Thanks @Anomalia
I guess I just really needed you to get my head straight. I always find it easy to help a stranger as a listener, so why should I act any different for myself or my friends? You're right, we can't keep pretending like this disorder is okay or normal, and I guess I have to set an example, after all, how can I expect improvement from others if I can't do it myself?
@MidniteAngel - I definitely understand finding it easier to help someone else than yourself - that defines me perfectly. But getting over some of that and remembering to treat myself with the same kindness that I would treat someone else really helped me to get through my recovery. Good luck to you - I know you can do it!
Fat and guilty i bought 4 bags of chips, icecream and a soda. I hate everything by myself and everyday i feel how my body is getting fatter and i even had to buy new pants today i feel so bad...
@sandyrainbow - buying something in a new size can be really overwhelming and upsetting, and I can understand why you're frustrated. But I also think that it's important to recognize that what's done is done, forgive yourself, and move forward. Clothing sizes are just numbers, and they can fluctuate a ton over your life, but they do not define you, nor are they something that can never change. Try to forgive yourself and move into tomorrow as a new day. Take care
Alone and done. I really thought I could ignore The voice in my head and ate some more than planned. But now..I feel so worthless, disgusting. and fat . Idk what to do with this shit in my head..
@Shallan - exactly what you are doing - opening up and being honest with yourself and others about where you're at. Grabbing a listener to talk through how you're feeling might help. Either way, I can promise that no matter how worthless you're feeling, you are worth so much more than the value you place on yourself. Take care
I don't know bouncing back seems a bit harder this time. I was on day seven when i had maybe a few pretzel and they were the size of my palm and i drank a glass of water and fruit punch and i just stood in the bathroom telling myself not to purge but i did it anyways over a few small pretzel. Ugh! I'm trying not to beat myself up but it's hard so hard to stay focus to not purge to not binge to not think that I'm fat. I'm letting it consume me and my moods when i really dont want that at all. I just want to go back to being normal. That would be nice one day i will get there and i won't let this ED define me or consume me because i am better than this and stronger than this.
@decembernight0608 - It sounds like you're really struggling right now, but even so, your attitude and determination continue to impress me. I'm glad to hear you're trying not to beat yourself up over the slip - that's so important. And you can always reach out for some extra support when you need it, whether it's to talk through overall how you are feeling or even just to get some distraction when you're feeling the need to purge. You can do this.
I feel lonely and misunderstood and people's compliments and encouragements only make me feel worse. I don't want to be told I'm "beautiful as I am" and whatnot. I just want to make friends who'll understand where I am...
@WhisperingFae - I agree - talking to people who actually understand can make such a big difference, and it can be really frustrating to be surrounded by people who don't get it or don't know what to say. Have you considered looking into group therapy or support groups? That was really helpful to me in my recovery as a place where I knew everyone was being honest, non-judgmental, and actually understood where I was at. Take care, sweetie!
The thing is, I don't want therapy. I just want to be able to say "Today I feel disgusting and fat" and have people understand and not try to contradict me. I don't want people who'll tell me that I'm not fat, that I'm pretty, that the important thing is to be healthy, I just want someone who'll say "I know what you mean" or "I feel the same way".
Yes I feel the same way and when i try to confide in someone they start to give you advice. I understand where they are coming from and that they are trying to help, but for some reason it only makes me feels worse.
Today I feel completely worn down. I'm just at my last straw right now and i just really don't want to do this anymore. So today is a new day. I had a horrible breakdown last night ended up purging and I just dont want this feeling anymore I hate because it's not me. I'm just tired and want to go back to being myself again and I'm going to keep going and going until I get there.
@decembernight0608 - you can do this. And once you get there, it will be worth all the struggle you're going through now. In the meantime, if it would help to talk through the frustration, you can always reach out to a listener. Take care
I've been developing a lot of fear foods lately and have felt so stuck I'm my house! I biked to the grocery store this afternoon and got some fresh fruit and vegetables. Now I feel so free!
@CydneyMW - I'm glad you were able to get out and feel a bit more yourself! Fresh produce is always an excellent start to a meal. As for fear foods, those are tough, but it helped me a lot to make myself still include them in my meals every once in a while in small quantities so that I would remember that nothing is inherently bad for me, as long as I don't go overboard in any direction. Take care
I stopped eating again. There is noone to talk to. I'm smiling and laughing and acting like everything is alright. But on the inside...there is pain and hunger..so much hunger and it hurts .
@Shallan - your words are so relatable to me and, I'm sure, many others. There are few things so difficult as struggling in silence while everyone around you thinks you're doing fine. If you need someone to talk to, can I recommend reaching out to a listener here? Conversations are 100% confidential, but sometimes it can really help to talk through how you're feeling with someone and just be really open and honest. Take care
@Shallan, I entered this topic meaning to post how I feel, but now I don't need to because you've done it for me. Your words sound like they came from my brain. Maybe we can take strength from knowing there are others out there in the same struggle as us. Thanks for posting <3
done. hating myself.everything is wrong. can't handle all this. idk what to do. eating makes me feel so worthless and all these bad things. i'm alone with this
Your not alone. We're here to listen. What happened?
@Shallan - I know it can feel really isolating to have those feelings and not have people around who understand them, but I promise you are not alone in this. There is a whole community of people who want to support you, just let us know how we best can
