Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I want to be free of my eating disorder. I'm in recovery, but I feel like when things in my life get tough the ED thoughts come flooding back. Today I feel okay. I make a point to try everyday to not give in. Some days are harder than others. Right now I'm under a lot of stress - school starting, an old love talking to me again, adjusting to a new life in a city I hate - and it's a little hard right now.
@bravemelon7408 - It's natural when things are hard for your eating disorder to try to rise back up...you used it for a long time as a coping mechanism, and when there are things to cope with, it can seem tempting again. Do you have a set of replacement coping mechanisms to manage your stress instead? The more you feel you have other alternatives, the quieter that voice will become. It sounds like you are doing incredible work at recovery and at staying away from the ED even when it's tough, and I'm really proud of you for that. You've got this!
I really struggle to not pace around my room at the end of the night. I listen to music and just do it subconsciously, I enjoy! I can't stop and I feel sad when I don't, but I know it's holding me back, am I the only one who struggles with this??
@helbel210 - sometimes I find that nervous energy needs to be let out and I think that's sometimes where the pacing can come from. If you feel like you need to stop it, are there other activities you could do at night that wouldn't let you pace? Maybe reading a book or doing something online where you can't pace away from the computer, etc.? Take care!
Because I've had such irregular eating habits these past few years I can never tell if I'm borderline binging or eating like a normal person, or still not eating enough. I can't tell if I'm bordering fat, or if I'm normal sized, or if I'm thin. I don't know if my perception of size is accurate or not. People may say I'm thin, but they haven't seen my thighs, my stomach, my arms etc. I feel like they can't see what I see, and what I see isn't thin. I think I'm seeing myself accurately, it's just that I have higher standards for myself than others. I want to starve but I can't bring myself to bother anymore. Oh the struggles.
@MidniteAngel - after a long time with an eating disorder, I agree - it can be practically impossible to know what 'normal' is anymore. Do you have someone else you feel like you can trust more than you can trust your own judgment? For instance, a nutritionist would know what a healthy meal plan is even when your brain tries to convince you of something else. Or a trusted friend might have a more accurate idea of your size than your eyes that are tricking you. It's frustrating to not be able to trust yourself, but it can help to give those judgments to someone else who is seeing you more realistically.
I've been in recovery for several yrs! I wish looking in a mirror would get easier. I'm a type 1 diabetic and food is my enemy. I work daily to continue to overcome this, the haunting of you shouldn't eat that and calories run through my mind. This is a life battle that I will battle but am determined to overcome. Stressed!!!!!
@funnyblackberry456 - First of all, congratulations on all of the victories you have had so far! It sounds like you have come a long way and I'm really impressed by and proud of you for that. It is hard to get past some of those last mental blocks and to see yourself differently in the mirror, but with time, it can become possible. Are there ever any glimpses that you have of feeling really positive about yourself? Are there ways to get more of those or to avoid situations where you feel worse?
I love your determination, and I know that you are strong and can beat this fully - keep up the great work, and always reach out for support if you need it. Take care!
ive been overeating this whole week, i feel huge, i look huge, i just cant take it. i need to restrict but i know it will eventually just lead to another binge. i cant stand this cycle.
@ConvivialFriend25 - It sounds like you understand the cycle of restricting and binging and know that if you restrict, it will trigger another binge soon. What would happen if instead you forgave yourself for this binge and then focused on eating a normal, healthy amount? Would that help your body normalize and avoid future binging? Take care
just want to feel comfortable in my own body..
@Forever15 - I am so sorry that you're feeling so uncomfortable with your body - that is so hard to get through and takes a lot of time to get past. But it really is possible. As a starting place, would it help to think of all the things that you love about your body? It can be features that you like how they look or things that your body can do that you are proud of (for instance, I love that my lungs are deep and allow me to sing, I love that my legs are strong and let me dance with my friends). What can you do because of the body you have?
@Anomalia that is a very good way to look at it..thank you <3
24 days clean I'm so happy that I made it this far especially with the passing of my dad. I start classes this week so I'm hoping I can stay in control usually stress or worrying about things cause me to relapse. So I'm just trying to stay positive and keep my mind clear.
@decembernight0608 - I am so crazy proud of you. I remember when not very long ago you were struggling to get past day 4 or 5, and you have come so far! The stress of school definitely makes it tougher, but you have such a strong base in your recovery right now and are so strong, and that will push you through. Take care and stay strong!
Well..that's it confirmed that I'll probably be watched like a HAWK!!! Now as I have just been caught by my little sister exercising & told my mum ( JUST GREAT ) if that isn't the worst of it as I have been secretly taking my dad's weight loss tablets and then noticed this morning when he left the house to take my other little sister to nursery/school that the pills have been removed from their familiar spot ! I'm so annoyed right now !
@BrightSummer889 - I know it's frustrating to have all eyes on you, and I know that right now you're not feeling ready to stop using your eating disorder, but I hope that this can help propel you towards recovery. Try thinking of it this way - the more you can redevelop healthy habits and recover, the less they will watch and the more freedoms you will earn back. Giving up your eating disorder can mean getting so much more back in your life. Take care
@Anomalia - Thing is though Hun I have never actually been diagnosed with an eating disorder.
I have just weighed myself and I have gained nearly 3lbs back & I feel really FAT !!! Right now! I feel like I have eaten too much today and been such a PIG :(
I'm like so disgusted in myself right now. And even though I can't exercise the now with my Mum keeping close watch for my obsessive exercising behaviours, I will exercise tonight when she thinks that I am sleeping :)
I'm mad at myself because I had the invite to go to McDonald's with my friends but I couldn't come and I've probably disappointed them a lot..
im panicking because after not eating today i have to go into London tomorrow and i will have to eat there so i cant eat before.i dont know what food i will have to eat so its the fear of the unknown cals.
@jomgj - It sounds like you're starting to panic a bit at the uncertainty. When that happens, it's important to have some strategies to help calm yourself down, whether that's breathing exercises, meditation, listening to a favorite song, going for a walk, or whatever else works for you. Try to remember that no matter how stressful a meal is, nothing is permanent and no meal can dramatically change your body. To the best of your ability, don't let this ruin your trip, just trust that it will be okay, and keep reaching out for support, from friends/family or here as you need it. Take care
Thank you
in the end I ended up bringing my own food with me.