Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
not so motivated to exercise. but i want to be skinny.
Not being motivated might be your body's way of telling you that you need a break. Can you listen to that and let your body heal for a day?
maybe you're right. thanks for the suggestion, i will do now some self-care stuff. you reminded me. again, thanks. @Anomalia
23 years of vomiting everyday is taking its toll, wish I could stop, I don't even binge anymore. Feeling fed up :-(
@indigoHumantic - I hear your frustration, and I can relate based on how long it took me to recover from my disorder, but I truly believe you can get through this. Reaching out here is an enormous step. Cutting out binging is huge, too. It's not easy, but you can use the same strength to work on the purging.
What have you tried in the past to get through this? Have you ever spoken to a therapist or doctor or attended any sort of support group, etc.? What other coping mechanisms do you have?
If you ever want to talk, you can always reach out to me or to another listener here. Take care, you can do this.
al i can think about is being thin. its taken over and all my recovery work is going down.
@sparklylexxy - It's so hard when that one thought starts to dominate your brain, but can you try to reframe it to support recovery? What are the reasons you started recovery initially? What things will you get out of recovery? What other words do you want to describe you besides thin? There's a reason you started this journey, and there's a reason to keep going on it. Reach out for the support you need, and remember that you are so strong and you can do this.
i had to stop recovery because of work and school, i cant afford to just stop working and be fully in treatment because i have resposibilities. so i have relapsed pretty bad
I just had to eat, and I want it out. I want to throw up. I don't ever want to eat. I just don't get hungry anymore. My stomach does growl no matter how long it's been. I hate food.
@ScreamingForSanity - I can relate to that feeling right after eating of feeling like you absolutely need to get it out, and I'm sorry that's where you're at right now. But that nourishment is so important for life, for your body to keep moving and your brain to keep functioning. Everything you love to do requires nutrients, and even though you don't want them, they are so necessary. It seems like you could really use some extra support - who do you have in your life right now that you can talk to about these things?
Better. I finally was to the bathroom. 
@alexlove - glad you're feeling a bit better!
I unfortunately relapsed and only made it to 26 days but that was longer than the last time. I ended up having a panic attack and just in completely in tears. I'm really sad that i relapsed but so proud that i made it to 26 im going to keep working on me and im going to start working out. I'm just going to keep going.
@decembernight0608 - you continue to really impress and inspire me with your dedication, your attitude, and your strength. 26 days is huge and as you recognize, is the longest yet. You can do this and I'm so proud of you for jumping right back into recovery. You've got this!
I have a monthly weight check at my doctors tomorrow and im so nervous. I'd been binging so i compensated by restricting. On one hand i still may have gained which will make my mom and doctor happy but will just crush me, and on the other theres a slim chance i lost weight which would make me feel so much better but i know would disappoint my mom and doctor...
@ConvivialFriend25 - that's the tough part, isn't it - it can feel sometimes like you can't win when you are fighting hard for both recovery and your disorder. With time it can become easier to commit to and want recovery, but early on, it's so hard. I hope that your appointment went well and that you're making progress towards health, even though I know it's hard to see. Take care, and please reach out if you ever need some extra support.
I was doing so well with getting healthy. Was almost 30 pounds down. Then things got stressful at work and my anxiety got really bad and I've binged on a lot of crap all week and haven't been to the gym at all. I just want to curl up in bed and never move again.
@faithbug - having a setback like that is hard and discouraging, but try not to let it be more than it is. It's a temporary set back and one that you can come back from. Try to forgive yourself, think about why it happened and how to avoid it in the future, but then move on and keep looking forward instead of backwards. You made so much progress already, and you can keep going. You are too strong to let this stop you!
One more day "sober" from my eating addiction... and it never gets any easier. After years and years it never gets easier. Currently pregnant and trying to mke it through every day, my daughter is my motivation <3 It doesn't make it any easier, but it sure makes me keep myself in check!
@Waterandwaves9 - Really proud of you for continuing to fight each and every day. You are setting an incredible example for your daughter and she will see your strength and learn from it. Take care, and stay strong!
The thought of relapse has been constantly in the back of my mind for the past few days. I've been doing pretty well trying to recover this summer. Now I'm so anxious about going back to university; it was during last semester that I relapsed so badly before. I'm also going on a vacation with my parents before school starts and whenever they talk about their food plans, I'm struck with an irrational fear that I'll be fattened up right before I see my friends again.
I don't want to undo the progress I've made, but I can't stop thinking about losing a few pounds again "just in case."
@Quintessence - that voice in the back of your head that keeps trying to stop you from healing is your eating disorder and it's pesky and cruel, but it can be drowned out. Keep surrounding yourself with recovery oriented, healthy voices instead and listen to those. You have made so much progress this summer and you can keep going.
You said you're really anxious about falling into old habits back at school - are there things you can identify that made it harder or triggered you? Are there ways to avoid those, or can you go in with a plan for how to deal with those triggers so it's not as big a problem this year? And mostly, do you have a support network at school to help you when you need to lean on someone?
You're strong and you can do this! And you can always reach out if you need some extra support here along the way.
