Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
trying to convince myself zo eat. but everytime i enter the kitchen i just start to cry.. i'm so scared so done. so alone
@Shallan the kitchen is a big place with lot's of food, I can understand how that's intimidating. But here, you're not alone. I hope you're able to confide in a listener here. Every little step counts and you should praise yourself for that 
I weighed myself today for the first time in almost a month. I can not believe I let myself get this fat. I hate myself so much. im disgusting.
@wiltingflowers i hear you on this and I'm sorry you are feeling this way, remember that this is only a number and you deserve all the love in the world. There is nothing to feel disgusting about. You are much more wothy than the number lovely ... sending you virtual hugs
I was doing good but this month has literally been the worst. I've got back to the cycle of being fine every three days into relapsting the next. I know the trigger, but it just gets hard to eliminate that cause. I'm so disappointed in myself even though I know it is part of recovery I've just literally gone down hill since the start of 2016
@decembernight0608 I hope you're doing okay lovely. I've been binging and purging all day.
@sensibleLand7987 you are so kind checking on others while you are having a tough day! This is so amazing from you. I hope you are having a better days. I hope you appreciate the kindness inside you ❤️
@decembernight0608
I'm sorry you are going on such rough time (hugs) you are aware of it and this is a very huge step in the right way. And remember lovely that we are still in January and you still have 11 months in 2011 and i hope it will be a great super amazing year for you ❤️
@decembernight0608 Focus on the good three days and not to the one bad. Because they demonstrate that you can do this! But you have to be patient and do one step after another.
I feel like I should even be allowed to eat at all
@lovingSky3756
I'm sorry u feel this way. You are strong and in control. And everyone has the right to eat. It's the body right :) thanks for sharing with us how u feel <3
I'm so scared to touch food because while people say they notice I'm slimming down I can't see it and I've had an issue with it for about three years and it gets so hard every day and I've been bulimic for two years and I've been trying to get better. It's so hard and the days I feel okay is when I don't eat till 6 pm and when I eat something light like a salad or some crackers and how do I even begin to ask for help outside of an anonymous app. Please help I'm so scared I'm going to get worse and worse.
@Strawberrykiwi21 - Reaching out here is a really good first step, and I know it took a lot of courage. It is hard to reach out for help in real life, but it sounds like you have people around who are already noticing, and likely want to help if you ask them.
If you want, you can PM me and we can talk about ways to ask for help from those around you.
I know you can do this, and I'm here to help.
hey i'm new here so i'm not sure i'm doing it right
but i just feel so bad. people think i'm recovered because i've maintained a healthy weight for almost a year now. the truth is I'm struggling so much. I feel like I added fat to my body, but my mind stayed exactly the same. a few months ago I started having the worst bloating in the world every time I put something into my body. I thought it was supposed to go away after my body reached a healthy weight.. well it did not. it actually started only after being "weight restored" and I can't get rid of it. I tried loosing weight again the past few weeks but I can tell I lost nothing. i haven't weighted myself in 5 months because I thought it'd be good for me but now I'm just so scared of it, have no idea where I'm at and I'm so scared to step on the scale and see that i lost nothing. i want to lose weight so bad and have been trying to do that the past month but my body just won't let me and i don't understand why. losing weight is usually so easy for me, I've relapsed a few times in the past and so quickly.. but now with this bloat and idk what,, it's like my body is working against me.. i have no hunger because of the bloat, I barely eat but I know for sure I lost nothing. i can see it with how my clothes fit plus none of the people around me mentioned anything about it and my mom is like a cop when it comes to my ED. i'm not even sure i'd actually go for a relapse right now, but i just wish to have the option, it's what calmed me down through all of this - just knowing that nothing is permanent, and now I lost my security blanket. such a long rent for a first post
@peachPeach8307 - I'm sorry things are so tough right now. I agree that one of the hardest parts of recovery is when you're working on or through the weight restoration, but the thoughts haven't changed. I think a lot of people think the disorder is just about the weight, which is really a symptom of the broader issues at hand.
Are you seeing a therapist or talking to anyone about how you're feeling? It is possible to get away from the ED thoughts, but it takes time and work, and is usually easier with some support. Also, have you talked to your mom about how you're feeling? It sounds like she's really vigilant about the eating part of your recovery - maybe she could also help with the emotional side?
If you ever want to talk, my PMs are always open. Take care, and know that you can get through this.
@peachPeach8307 I know what,your going through a while back I had the same issue except I kept not eating or throwing it up when I did. I felt like I wanted someone to notice so that they would stop me but at the same time I didn't want anyone to know that I wasnt better because I didn't want to disappoint everyone. I was so mad at my friends and family who knew especially my aunt who knew exactly what. I was going through cause she went through the same thing. Trust me it's hard to get back on your feet but once you do it'd worth it. And you will everyday have those battle in your head telling yourself that you shouldn't eat or that you should go throw it up because you are not worth it. But let me tell you you are worth it even if you can't see it now.
i need help...i can't take this anymore...i guess it took over..everything is getting weird..empty and horrible
or maybe i'm just exaggerating...
i should be proud about the kilos i've lost...
idk what's wrong and what's right anymore
@Shallan - It sounds like you're right to be reaching out for help, and I don't think you are exaggerating. Can you reach out for help from a parent or teacher or counselor? How can you make sure to get the help that you need?
@Anomalia. I can't..they won't think it's bad..I'm exaggerating...my head tells me I am...people will think the same..I'm not worth the energy...I'm actually worth nothing..just a waste of time...I'm sorry
@Shallan - I felt that way, too, but when I actually did tell people, they were so relieved that I was actually reaching out for help. The eating disorder clouds your mind and changes your ability to judge situations. If you weren't listening to the disorder, what do you really think? Do you think just maybe the people who care about you would want to help you?
@Anomalia how should they help? What can they do..?. Nothing really.I can't trust people they leave and it's my fault..I can't even trust myself
How am I feeling? Like a loser. Need all this weight to come off. Today I have eaten [edited by Anomalia for food specifics / triggers] at dinnertime so all seems 'normal' and just lie about what I've eaten while at work. Sad part, husband told me he will be traveling for work and the first thing in my mind was "yeah, I can eat and then get rid of it."
@Chillybones01 - That doesn't make you a loser, just someone who is really struggling and needs some support to get through this. I know it feels like losing weight is so incredibly important, but what would life look like if you didn't have to spend so much time thinking about it? What could you fill your time with? What could you enjoy more? What could you be better at?
Im so hungry and I want to eat but I also really dont want to eat and im so confused and I feel so bloated and fat and even though im only [edited by Anomalia for weight specifics / triggers] and im anxious and scared and angry.
@Emma234512 i'm sorry you are feeling this way lovely, and sorry for all the confusion you are feeling, it's really alright to feel all these feelings, anxious , scared & angry, all your feelings are valid and it's so good if you can embrace it.
it's a huge step that you are aware of your feelings and what is going on in your mind, and another huge step that you are here and sharing it with us.
let's call it a confused moment and it will pass and on top of this moment you deserve kindness and appreciation towards weak moments because you are stronger than you think you are
Hi ALl,
I havent been on in awhile as i as travelling after chirstmas and i was starting to feel better , but since coming home i have fallen back into old habits after feeling holiday guilt and feel im a little back to square one again which is slightly disheartening,. But im determined to try and get out of this binge slump for the last while as the health i had built up while eating normally away is starting to slowly disappear :( positive but just showed me how easy it is for binge habits to pop back up and wondeing if anyone felt like this after a holiday and has any advice im trying to get out in the evenings when i usually would stay in and binge too but any help would be great
@purplegreen - I'm sorry that things have been slipping back for you, but know that the lessons you learned when you were breaking out of these habits before and the strength that helped you there are the same lessons and strength that you can count on now.
What was most helpful to you as you were working on this before?
