New to the Eating Disorder Community in June 2018? Say Hello here! And get to know others who joined this month too!
New to the Eating Disorder Community in June 2018? Say Hello here! And get to know others who joined this month too!
Hope to speak to a few of you in the comments 
Hey guys,
Im 22 and have EDNOS. I was bulimic in high school, but managed to get a handle on it for a little while. While I like to think Im *mostly* recovered, its really hard and I fall back on restricting behaviors very often. Ive been overweight since puberty because I have a hormonal disorder (pcos anyone?) that makes it really easy to gain weight and like impossible to lose it. It always made me feel like my disordered behaviors werent valid because I never looked like I had an eating disorder, and losing weight only made people compliment me on how healthy I looked even though Id feel like I was dying lol. Id be having heart palpitations and people would tell me how beautiful I looked now. The world is kind of a mess like that.
Ive been relapsing a lot recently, and Im trying not to, but, and Im sure others have been in this place, sometimes i just feel like I really do want to. Theres like comfort in it even though you know its not good? I am trying not to let it get to me too much though.
@braveStrings9739 - I can relate so much to what you're saying - I was someone who let that idea of not being underweight stop me from getting the support I needed for a LONG time. It is hard when others respond positively to your weight loss, not realizing that it's actually really unhealthy for you.
As to what you said about relapsing and that feeling that even though it's not good for you, sometimes it just feels comfortable - I get that, too. I think that it's exactly why many of us struggle with our eating disorders for so long - at first they feel really comfortable and they help us to deal with other bad feelings or stressful events that we need to cope with. But unfortunately, even if in the short term they are helpful for the coping, long term they add more damage and more things that need coping with.
What do you think are some alternatives that could give you that sense of comfort or that ability to cope that aren't harmful for you? When you've been in recovery, what are the tools you've turned to instead?