Recovery

i think this is a great idea and a great thread!!

i'll post a brief account of my recovery story, trying to keep it as non-triggering as possible. if you're easily triggered, though, please peruse with caution.

in the throes of my eating issues, i had a best friend who was going through the same thing. birds of a feather tend to flock together, especially regarding mental illness. we didn't acknowledge our eating issues as a mental health problem, we just saw them as a lifestyle choice.

my eating issues coincided a lot with my depression. at the time i had a very low self image - i was in my early teens and had more acne than any other girl in my freshman class, and i didn't like looking in mirrors. part of the mentality was, "well, if i can't be pretty then at least i can be skinny." i was obsessed with the control it provided.

my friend and i fell out of contact due to long and involved drama that has nothing to do with the story (it wasn't a huge fight that caused us to fall out, it was just an accumulation of small things that made our presences in each other's lives inconvenient).

following that, i was sort of forced into therapy via a borderline intervention from my family, since my self destruction had reached dangerous points. my therapist and i worked on my depression first.

i found that when the depression lifted, it was easier for me to appreciate my self image. one of the most interesting things is that i know my perspective has changed dramatically, because i'msignificantly heavier than i was at my thinnest and yet i've never felt more alive and pretty and confident in my body. i still have acne and i still have days when i get triggered by random things and spiral back into low self-esteem, but now i have the tools to cope with those ruts and pull myself out of them.

i'm engaged and employed now and working toward moving in with my fiancee in the next few months. i'm also looking into getting both an english and psychology degree once i have the funds and time. and i use my experiences to help a lot of people on this website - having been in the throes of depression and anxiety and obsessive tendencies and eating disorders myself, i have a unique understanding of the ups and downs.

that's also why i'm so relentlessly positive about mental health recovery - i was at a point where i had lost all faith not only in myself, but in the world around me. it was a point where i truly believed that i was worthless and that recovery wouldn't work for me. and yet here i am.

because of that i have faith that anyone, no matter their struggles or history, can recover as well.

TW: I mention specific kinds of foods here, tw emetophobia if you're very sensitive to it.

I've only ever said "I have an eating disorder" aloud one time, to a friend. I've never been told I have one by a professional, but several "medically accurate" (or whatever) tests/inventories/whatever confirm I do, as does the opinion of loved ones.

I started recovery on my own, mostly thinking that I DIDN'T have much of a problem so I tried "eating like a normal person" my freshman year of college. That went... okay? But it was hard to get in all the nutrients that I supposedly needed. Mentally I was challenging my ideas of what "enough" is.

Now I'm in a strange place. My eating disorder is not limited to restriction. I'm "picky" though I HATE calling myself that and wish I had a better term. Most foods are actually frignthing to me to think of trying, and it has nothing to do based on what I think they would do to my body and mostly is purely irrational fear. I'll eat a piece of pizza just fine but a bean burrito? No way. It limits where I can go out to eat a lot and I feel really ashamed of it still. Mostly I'm ashamed because it's like I have the tastes of a four year old and that is embarressing. I can't go out to mexican, chinese, or any other "ethnic" restaraunt.

I try to try new foods but I'll freak out and get scared and either not try at all or I'll gag horribly when I do, and I just can't bring myself to keep eating the food. I HATE myself for this.

What I am working on at the moment is just getting a normal eating schedule. Depression makes it hard to be like: yup its breakfast time time to have some breakfast, and the same with lunch and so on. So I'm trying to just get the schedule thing down.

I don't really know what it is I need to do at this point, probably work on my counselor with it eventually.

I am currently trying to over come my disorder. I usually would have only ate 258 calories max... The idea of going over makes me have anxiety. I'm 19 with a 16 month old son and being his mother is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know I have to stop being selfish about my disorder and let it go so I can be here for him. When I'm around him (which is all day except at most 3 hours for class or gym) I want to do right but when I go away I just want to keep it my secret. Its not my secret anymore though, yesterday I told my mom and boyfriend and I am getting their help with it. I am going out of town today so I know my mom is about to try to force feed me before I leave.. Part of me wants her too so I know that I can recover, i just have tort that voice telling me to get better be louder then my disorder.

Hi everyone! I'm currently in the process of recovering from anorexia. I'm in Stage 2 of Maudsley Family Based Therapy. My eating disorder sort of slid on slowly, beginning with poor body image around age 10, but didn't fully materialize until this past year, my senior year of high school. That's when stuff started getting really scary. I'm doing a lot better now but have decided to take a gap year before college to stabilize and prevent relapse.

Hello everyone! I too am in recovery for an eating disorder. I was recently in treatment for 6 months and have been out of treatment for 3 months. The past 9 months have been hard, painful, and sometimes seemed impossible, but my treatment/recovery process has been the most rewarding experience of my life.

I struggled with my eating disorder from early childhood (around the age of 9) and I am now 24. My life prior to recovery was basically just me existing, rather than truly LIVING. I had no clue who I was and absolutely hated myself. So, basically I spent my entire life hating someone I did not even really know.

Today, I can say that I am truly happy. Everyday I am learning something new about myself and I accept myself for WHO I am. Of course I still struggle and everyday takes tremendous effort to stay on the right track, but I am not perfect (this too is something that I am learning to accept) and my recovery will not be perfect. I will struggle and make mistakes, but it takes me being mindful, self-aware, proactive, and learning from my struggles rather than letting them define me or my recovery.

I am passionate about recovery and helping others find ways to stay active in their recovery. I was fortunate to return to my treatment center today to speak to the current clients about my story and experience and it was truly amazing to be able to offer them hope that recovery IS possible!

I also have recently started a recovery blog if anyone is interested in checking it out from time to time. https://bestillinthegray.wordpress.com/

Best of luck to all in recovery!

I'm recovering from relentless bullying September-December 2010. In order to keep it trigger free, I will only say that it was a trip to hell and back. If you want the whole story, don't hesitate to ask a listener to contact me and I'll tell it