Alcoholic father

@lulu1010

so sorry you are so tired from your dad. I encourage you to try talking to him or maybe put him in rehab or an AA meeting

My husband is an alcoholic but that’s one reason I decided not to have children. Where is your mom? Men usually drink to relax or relieve stress after work, but when it turns into alcoholism, that’s too much. I cannot stop my husband’s drinking. He has to want to stop and I don’t see that happening anytime soon. He has a fatty liver and that can turn into cirrhosis but maybe he’s just waiting for that until he stops drinking. But YOU are far more important. A man’s son discouraged by his choices I think matters far more than a nagging wife. I think if you show your father that you truly care and need him to be around for awhile to see you succeed, he will probably attempt to stop. I hope he does for you and your family.

@lulu1010 I understand how hard and stressful it would be. Do not overstress yourself for the current situation and focus some good habits your father do.

@lulu1010

It depends how old are you. I think you should find a work and go away as soon as possible. You can’t fix him and it’s not your fault. Hugs (I have been there)

Just do what my brother did, find a companion that can take your mind off of him it's always the best solution.

I can't wish my father to leave because that time is passed and he must now be someplace far from here.

Eventually If I find a companion to help me get a job I can build from that as I explain how to keep my mind from getting into trouble.

@lulu1010 That's so difficult...you love your father a lot! But it's also very understandable that you feel angry and hurt by his actions. It's reasonable to feel this in response. It means you know what's right from wrong! I had two self destructive parents. I ended up having to parent them a little bit and it set me back in life. Then when I graduated college I left the state and they got it together and survived without me - though I had to watch them go through more trauma. You are the child - you can't (and it's not your job) to save the parent, protect the family. Trying to do that will injure you and hurt YOUR chances at a healthy life. That trauma will follow you into adulthood and you'll be paying for therapy and struggling. You don't deserve that just for being born into such a family. You can say encouraging things, you can help in little ways. It's not your job to save them.

@lulu1010

I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. It must be very stressful to have an alcoholic father and also have to be the eldest who holds responsibilities. It can be hard to find time for yourself when you are caring for others and trying to do what’s best for them. I hope you are able to take some time to take care of you.

Lulu!

Nice to meet you. I am 30 and also have an alcoholic father. I am the youngest in the family. For my father the kids have all grown up and moved out, his wife who is my mother works nights, which leaves him free to drink (again). He hit the bottle hard when I was young and had to quit for his health, but since starting up again he tries to limit himself to only light beer. My sister and I each live within 30 minutes from him, so in an effort to help we do family dinner nights. My dad is a phenomenal cook. Once a week we bring groceries to the house and all cook a family dinner together. This keeps him sober and out of the bar (that night). We save a plate for mom, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, and are home by 10. Once more during the week I will pick him up when we are off work and we will go out to dinner together, even if it's 5$ street tacos we make an effort to sit down and eat. Having that time planned each week helps my sister and I separate our family responsibilities from personal responsibilities, life comes at you quickly and it's easy to forget to be thankful for what you have while you have it. Hope my story helps.