Dealing with a disrespectful sister-in-law and brother
Yesterday my sister-in-law yelled and swore at my parents.
My sister-in-law has a long history of being rude and disrespectful so that’s why my parents and I never developed a good relationship with her. She’s been living at our house for about 15 years now and her and my brother have 3 kids together.
My parents aren’t perfect, they make mistakes but they do so much, too much actually for my brother and sister-in-law.
My mom quit her job to help them babysit their kids. My parents pick up their kids and drop them off to school daily. My mom tries to cook dinner for them every night and if she’s too tired to cook she offers to buy dinner (when they’re perfectly capable of buying/making their own dinner). My parents are even willing to sell their second house to help them on a deposit so they can get their own place. They do a lot.
Earlier this month my mom and 2/3 of my brothers kids contracted COVID. I have two brothers and supposedly the brother that I no longer live with got COVID first and so my other brother (the one that I live with) is blaming my mom for giving COVID to his kids. My mom said that she didn’t know my other brother had COVID and she kept apologizing but my brother constantly blames her and threatens her saying that if his kids ever get sick again they’re leaving and moving to a different state and etc.
My mom already feels guilty as heck and she cries to me about it but my brother continuously talks to her in such a rude and disrespectful way like she’s a piece of trash. My mom is too nice to do anything about it.
Instead of being thankful that we’re all ok, he’s constantly making my mom feel bad about his kids getting COVID.
But back to my sister-in-law, yesterday she yelled and swore at my parents bc my dad made a comment about how him and my mom aren’t clean like her side of the family. Background story on that, my sister-in-law and my brother have a long history of treating my sister-in-laws side of the family 100 times better than our side. Whenever our side has a dinner they stay in their room and refuse to interact. Whenever my sister-in-laws side has an event, they are there from setup to clean up and they suddenly turn into nice, sociable people.
So my dad made that comment and then my sister-in-law started yelling and swearing at them and even made a comment that my parents only care about our other brother (the one that doesn’t live with us anymore). And my mom mentioned that she’s not going to babysit their kids anymore bc of how they’re treating her and my sister-in-law said “SO?!”
I wasn’t home when that happened but when I got home my mom and dad were crying and they told me what happened so I knocked on their door and asked what is going on and my brother just tried to shoo me away. I kept knocking and insisted that we talk about it like adults instead of yelling at each other and my brother said that my parents started it.
I don’t know what to do. I definitely will not accept my sister-in-law yelling and swearing at my parents and I want to talk to both her and my brother about it. I want to tell her that she CANNOT talk to my parents like that, as long as I’m alive, I never wanna hear that she talked to my parents like that but what am I supposed to do? I wanna scold my brother for even letting her talk to our parents like that. My sister-in-law has had my brother wrapped around her finger for years now.
Also I don’t know if it makes a difference but I’m the youngest one of the children and even I know that the way they’re acting, is entirely immature and ridiculous.
My sister-in-law and my brother are making the environment at the house so toxic that I actually packed my bags and have been staying at my boyfriends house.
There is a proper way to talk things out but but both parties don’t know how to do that. I feel like I have to be the mediator in this whole thing but honestly it’s draining me, it’s stressing me out and it’s causing me so much anxiety. I’m trying to encourage my parents to grow a backbone and stand up for themselves but they’re having a hard time doing so. I feel like If they can’t stand up for themselves it’s my duty as their daughter to stand up for them until they learn to stand up for themselves but I don’t hold the same type of power they do. For example, I’m telling my parents that they have to take action and tell them that bc of they’re disrespect they have to leave the house. But they don’t want to. I can’t say it bc it’s not my house. My parents are saying that if they want to leave then they can leave but I’m trying to explain to them that they can’t leave the choice to them. They have to assert some power and they have to do it now.
What CAN I do? What SHOULD I do?
@BNDC
I can't imagine how emotionally exhausting it's been for you feeling like the go between for so many years. I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned your parents are the ones who need to assert themselves. 15 years is a long time to be bullied in their own home. And, i's a long time for you to have to have been the mediator. Your brother punishing your mom for giving the kid Covid is plain silly and rude since it can come from anywhere, like the school their children attend, places they may have gone. You get the idea. The way you've described your sister in laws mood changes depending on who is around her is just, wow. But, in the end, it's your parents' choice to put their foot down and create some boundaries for them.
Thank you. It’s been extremely tough and it just seems to get worse and worse as the years go by. I’ve tried so hard to mend my family. All I want is for us to be a happy family again but after this instance, I’ve pretty much lost hope and it’s sending me back into a depressive state. The worst part is seeing my parents suffer emotionally from it. I love them so much and I just want them to be happy.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and respond to me. I appreciate your support