Feeling Triggered by Mom's message

Hi all,

I had a good heart to heart with my mom recently where I felt we made progress. I explained more openly why I think she needs to go to counseling and she has agreed to go (although keeps postponing it so we'll see). My dad has been struggling with some health issues and my mom said she wants me to "make peace" with my dad. My parents have had a lot of issues for many years, which to me falls into emotional abuse, a lot of angry meltdowns and also bad fights with each other. My mom has been a bit more open to being aware of her issues and finally agreed to therapy. My dad on the other hand has in the past been very defensive, said things like "I wasn't yelling at you" when he definitely did. In my opinion has a lot of anxiety and lack of emotional awareness or regulation which lead to lashing out at me and putting me down.

I guess mainly I feel frustrated with my mom pressuring me to kind of get over it, forgive him and just be a family or something like that. She also I felt has sort of used this idea to guilt-trip me when I have said no to certain family events or tried to set boundaries around my time with my parents. I feel very triggered and want to take a beat before I reply to that email. I guess the main thing I want to convey is that yes, while I love them and still plan on connecting during holidays, etc. I feel frustrated and angry when my concerns are dismissed. I do not feel comfortable just "forgiving and getting over it". Instead I want negative behaviors to actually be addressed and improved so that I can feel safer and more naturally comfortable connecting. It may be highly unlikely that my dad will go to therapy at his age, but it might be worth saying I at least want to feel heard and for him to have an improved self awareness of his behavior.

Thanks if you read or skimmed some of that lol

Day