Feeling overwhelmed
Hello,
First time poster here, just wanted some support/advice for my situation. I've been married to my husband for almost 13 years and we are now a family of 6 altogether with his children from a previous relationship. We've been through ups and downs, just like any other marriage. What I've wanted to highlight is his children. He brought them over to Canada in 2014 right after my first child was born (wasn't the right timing, but I felt I've had no choice to accept his decision); as his crazy ex decided to finally give them up to my husband so that the kids could live a better life etc. I've come to accept them over the years, raised them, tried to be the parent that they needed as their mother is pretty much deadbeat. The big issue now has to do with immigration, I've helped fill out applications on behalf of the kids over the years, so that they could stay in the country. But the Canadian immigration system right now is screwed up, it takes even longer to process their permanent residency. The last update that we have is that it will take another 2 or 3 years for them to get their status. My husband is getting impatient and wants them to get their papers right away so that we can travel altogether. It's not an option for my husband to sponsor them for citizenship, as he already did and it got denied. He says the only way to speed things up is for me to legally adopt them and then sponsor them to become Canadian. Even my mother in law brought this up this past weekend, asking me to help as it's taking too long. What they don't realize is that adopting is a significant thing for me and it should be a personal choice to make. I have nothing against the kids, they're generally good kids, even if raising them was a challenge in the beginning. I'm already mentally tired over doing paperwork throughout these years. Additionally, I don't like being pressured into doing something big just because my husband/mother-in-law told me so.
Am I a bad person to think twice about this situation? I'm just so overwhelmed with these thoughts. For anyone reading this, thank you so much. Any help would be appreciated.
Hi @GloriousJag7669, I hear you and I celebrate you for being such strong and courageous throughout all this and be willing to share with us, its a safe and right place to voice yourself and be sure of being heard.
i hear that you are feeling emotionally drained, pressure by your husband and your mother in law and you are also feeling overwhelmed by thoughts now and you are questioning yourself if its you are a bad person to think about this twice, and I ensure you that its totally okay to feel anything at this situation, and you are not a good or a bad person you are just a person as all of us.
what do you think is your really need in this situation? i'll be here and happy to hear yor response
Thank you for your kind words, I feel better now. Maybe what I need right now is probably is talking to someone who went through the same situation to see how the process will be..
You're not bad. Totally not
You have done so much paperworks and that must've been hard. I am really proud of you❤️
Thank you so much for your support 💗
@GloriousJag7669
Dearest member,
oh my goodness, it sounds like you have a lot of pressure on you right now. What an incredibly confusing and stressful decision to navigate.
I agree with you, adoption is a huge commitment. It takes huge lengthy and tiring steps to complete and it's a huge and (as you said) extremely PERSONAL decision. I do not blame you for feeling overwhelmed in this situation. It sounds as though you feel the people around you are not considering your wellbeing in this choice, they are thinking of themselves and the children, and that can make you feel as though you are losing your power. Owning your autonomy is important for every human being, including you. Its a human right and a human need. I can see why you feel frustrated regarding this. So please don't feel guilty for wanting to think about this carefully. It's a tough decision so it's okay to take your time in this. And wanting the choice to be yours is valid. What is your biggest fear in choosing to and choosing not to go ahead with the adoption?
It sounds like you are incredibly strong and caring, and that is represented in how you supported your husband and cared for his children as your own. That is incredible. I hope that when you come to make a choice in what you do, it comes 100% from your soul/heart/being and your soul/heart/being alone. If you want to chat about it further my message box is always open ❤️ sending lots of care and thoughts
Thank you so much for your support and kind words, yes I will take my time to research the process through before taking a decision.
