Had enough, long but please I need help

Thank you for reading, I’ve had enough of my mother. I had a great childhood, no father in picture but no issue. However, since childhood my mother has this tendency to fabricate traits about my personality and never forget them. Though they’re never true. I made her mad when I was 16 by wrecking my car, she said in the scolding “If you want to leave then go I won’t stop you” though, never once have I said I indicated I wanted to leave home. I never even broke curfew. Again at like 18 I made her mad again and she said “You want me to treat you like an adult but you do this” never once have we had an issue where I said I wanted to be treated better, we were good about maturity. When I got into college she would tell me stories how when I was a toddler I was very sassy. I said that was funny but never even through my conscious childhood did I ever pick fights with my brother. I’ve ALWAYS been as long as I can remember non-confrontational. Even when my brother would push me and hit me, I never fought back usually. My brother had kids at 17 making me and aunt at like 14. I was given a lot of responsibility without my choice. We lived in a tiny house so I even lost my bedroom to him, his new baby and girlfriend but I was always a good sport. We don’t get along, I barely consider him a brother I don’t like him. He gave me cigarettes in middle school and pot brownies in high school. He was always encouraging me to get into trouble. I could have been sleeping with a 30 year old at 16 and he wouldn’t of cared. Anyways, when he had a kid I started to get more of an attitude. I lost my room and my mom wasn’t someone I could talk to about my feelings because she would get mad, and tell me to get over it. I’m not even being dramatic, she literally told me to get over it. I’m 24 years old now and TO THIS DAY, my mom STILL tells me to “be nice” when she mentions me spending time with my nieces & nephews (he had 3 more kids). I know it doesn’t sound bad but you hear it every single time. Ever since high school I repressed what I wanted to say to my family out of fear they would never let it go. Not once since my second niece was born have I shown rudeness or anger towards them. I think they’re cute and I give them birthday gifts, souvenirs, invite them to go fishing with my husband and I, etc. I don’t know why she’s given me this trait of “mean” WHAT ADVICE I NEED!: My mother refuses to stop making me feel like I’m this 16 year old brat. She says each time “be nice” and “I know you, you’re rude” and “you’ve always been that way you’ll always be that way.” When really, I’ve attended therapy, practiced meditation, and everybody I know has told me I’m a very calm person. I really am. I worked very hard to defeat anger in my life. How do I change my mothers view when she refuses to let go of the past? I’ve tried everything from “proving it without saying it” to “say you’re not a kid anymore” yet each time she says “no, I know you” But I don’t think she knows me. My cry to my husband often because my mother doesn’t treat me like the calm and loving person I am, each time I talk to her it’s like she knocks me down and makes me feel bad about myself. Like truly no matter how much i try I’ll always be a mean person. My brother is mentioned because he does the same. They’re the only people in my entire family who think this way of me. They tell people I’m bad but I worry one day they’ll believe them. Please, I cry almost every night thinking one day for my own mental health to cut off connection with them. There’s other things they have done and do to lead me to this point but this issue is a big one they have. I was given too much stress by my brother at 16, which is why I began to act out. Now I’m still being punished at 24 years old. I’m married, lived on my own for 4 years now. Work a great career. I live abroad with my husband. I don’t know what more I can do.