I don’t know what to do.
Back in the fourth grade, I’ve expressed physical & emotional abuse from both my father and older brother. I told my close friend at the time about how I was feeling & how I wanted to e*d it all & they told my school counselor. I confided in my counselor but that led to an even bigger problem. She (counselor) called my mother to express concerns and the three of us had a group conversation. It went fine, it honestly made me feel better. But when the news got out to my dad, he wasn’t helpful at all. He blamed me because my mom came home crying (day of the group discussion) & my brother told me I was seeking attention. I vividly remember my dad yelling at me “WHO WANTS TO K*LL THEMSELVES HUH? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU HUH?” while beating me. I had no support system, & I had made an oath to my counselor saying I won’t harm myself. I knew I couldn’t go to the police about anything because that’d cause even more issues. Fast forward to today I’m currently in highschool, & I did my best to stuff down my past trauma. But yesterday all that progress just went away. Me and my brother got into an altercation because I asked him to step out for a second so I could use the restroom & he said no. I asked again kindly but he just stood there, watching netflix on his phone, brushing his teeth. He finally finished and I “aggressively” shoved him out because he was just standing in the doorway and wasn’t moving. Then he just attacked me, grabbed my wrists, slammed me against a door & just hit me. I didn’t even swing at him once. Then my parents overhear because we were yelling at eachother. I have a busted lip, leaking with blood & he broke a 24k necklace my grandmother bought me. After seeing that my dad immediately blamed it on me, “WHY DIDNT YOU PEE EARLIER?” My mom just didn’t hold anyone accountable & pushed right past it. Also, keep in mind I’m a 5’2, a girl, and 4 years younger than him and he’s 5’8 and 18 years old. It’s currently the day after the whole incident and my parents glossed over it, they didn’t bring it up or hold anyone accountable. I just don’t know what to do anymore, every time I have hope that some change will happen, it just doesn’t. I’ve tried addressing these problems on multiple occasions with my dad but he just says he didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know what to do, I need help.
@bestTown8263 Is there some way you can get out of the house, stay with a friend maybe? What about calling a domestic abuse hotline? I'm so sorry.
My mom is big on not telling anyone about family issues & I can’t really think of a way a domestic abuse hotline would help me & not come back & explode in my face
I get that there’s some sort sibling rivalry in almost every family, but this is beyond wrong. I’m the oldest and although I don’t really get along with them sometimes, at the end of the day I will protect them with my life. Your brother seems to have learned this abusive behavior from your father and the fact that your mom doesn’t seem to handle it makes them think it’s ok or no big deal. I cannot begin to even try to understand how you feel right now. This home is supposed to be your safe space but I’m really worried for you. Is there another adult relative that you trust? Maybe confide in them and see where that leads?
I’ve confided my adult relatives in the past in my 4th grade situation but that lead to them telling my dad, which only made it 10x worse.
I appreciate everyone’s concern so much, it’s been a while since i’ve felt hopeful <3
experienced* typo
Above all else, do you think staying would make this better?
It may sound very harsh, but dad is abusive, brother is used to seeing you abused etc and now thinks it's okay. Mom might be scared or traumatized to do something (I don't know about caring etc).
From all I have seen, this does not get better. There are people to talk to, that will not tell your parents.
And you surely deserve better
You have been through a lot, and you have done reasonable things to try to deal with the situation. It’s very good that you reached out to listeners here. I want to encourage you to keep reaching out to find support where you can.
Someday this will all be behind you, you’ll be an independent adult free to become friends with people who treat you with love and respect. You do not have to maintain a relationship with your family of origin. Focus on studying so you can get a well paying job so that you can live on your own and start a new life with good people who love you properly. Find inner strength. Focus on improving yourself and think about where you want to go and who you want to be. Let yourself fantasize about a bright future. What would it look like?
