I royally failed as a male parental figure
7 months ago when my 16 year old son came out as trans ( ftm). I was shocked, and didn’t show much support to him. And I was mad , I even considered kicked her out but my now ex wife didn’t let me. I am feeling so guilty and I wish I could take back the pain I put my son through
if i came out to my parents they would have kicked me out. and they would think that theyre doing the right thing. i know you put your child through a lot of pain by this. but now at least you know you were wrong. and you want to fix it. its never too late to feel your child feel loved. it may be hard for your kid to feel safe again with you but you can keep trying and supporting her decisions.
To me your post shows that you are on the way of accepting your child as they are. You write about your son whom you have seen as a daughter for quite some time. It takes time to adjust your perspective and feelings as I am sure it took time for your son to realise who he really is.
I find your son truly brave ‘coming out’ to his parents. I don’t dare do this and I am going on 40. I’ve been depressed and suicidal for years, committed to a relationship which involves children only just to find out I can fill the void of not leaving authentically. I take my hat off to your son. He’s my hero.
If you find yourself regretting the way you reacted to your son’s decision to live an authentic, mental healthy and hopefully content life, know there’s always time to let him know how sorry you are, how much you love him and that you will support him from now on. He’ll probably need your male support now more than ever. It can be scary to navigate life as the opposite gender that one was raised and perceived in.
It takes courage, too, to share our regrets and make amends.
Reach out to him and let him know he’s still got a Dad who loves him. Crossing my fingers it’ll be his best Christmas present ever.
All the best.
* I cannot fill the void of not living authentically. (Darn autocorrect)
