Looking for Advice
I’m going through an abusive relationship that I’m working on escaping from. For awhile I really didn’t know where to go. My relationship with my family is kind of estranged. They are narcissistic, and has caused some mental challenges for me. I was thinking of just going to my dads because I have no where else to go, and also part of me wants to just go because my bf threatens to call my dad, and create a drama mess. I just don’t want my dad to worry etc....at the same time he’s very extroverted, and I’m an introvert so he’s very pushy. I lived with my sister who pretty much used and abused me when I lived with her. Wrote her a letter about how I’m feeling, and got complete invalidated. Then I have my dad telling me that I need to apologize and he the bigger person?? How my sister needs me and my help because she has children, and a husband. How I make a good caretaker..,Which that is certainly not my responsibility. I remember he made me try food after repeatedly telling him no. One time he came to visit me and my sister and the kids took a nap, and my dad was still awake, and I was still kind of awake, but heard him very nastily looking at us saying this is disgusting like he was mad we were napping, and not playing with him. He literally talks about how it’s all about him. Basically I feel like my family has power over me, and I have to do everything they say or ask. I feel moving in with him could be good because I can be closer to my old friends. Just being back on east coast would be nice. At the same time I’m worried how I’m going to be treated. I’m also afraid to bring the abuse up as well. In ways i can see it being good, but at the same time I’m worried.
@Mre605
First, I'd like to commend you on your plans to leave the abusive relationship you are in. It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave. I know planning where to go can be a difficult decission to make. You mentioned you Dad is not aware of the abuse and the steps you are taking to leave. You also mentioned that your sister was dismissive and invalidated your feelings when she received your letter. How would you feel about talking with both of them about your plans to leave? It sounds like your partner wants to stir up some family drama. Do you think communicating with them honestly might help them disregard any drama he wants to stir up? I agree with your thinking that speaking to them first, before the drama, may be the best action to take. Perhaps, if they know what is happening, they may be more supportive of you if they have a clear understanding of what you are going through. I may help to adress some of your worries about moving in with your Dad and give you the opportunity to start setting some personal boundaries with him.
You mentined you'd be returning to the east coast where you also have friends, as well as family. Are there any friends you communicate with regularly? Are they aware of your situation? Might they be able to support you emotionally when you move back? Perhaps your friends know of or can help you find an alternative to moving in with your Dad or Sister? It may be helpful to you to research domestic violence support networks in the town where you are moving to. Having a good support system is important as you heal.
Thank you. It’s all so overwhelming that’s for sure. Well luckily my sister moved in with mom in another state, and currently I’m no contact with her. I do feel like this could be a chance to just settle everything on my own, but it’s a lot, and I think going to my dads to for a few months until I find the small town I’m looking to live in somewhere lol. My friends are aware, and seem to be happy about me moving back. Although that’s tricky because I’ve felt since I’ve moved away our relationships aren’t as close as they used to be, but I guess we shall see.
@Mre605
Thank you for clarifying. I completely understand why moving in with you Dad is the best option for you under the circumstance. I think it's wonderful you want to take time to decompress and get your bearings first before you decide where you want to settle in. I hop your friends are going to be there for you and that, being closer to them in locations, will give you a chance to reconnect with them.