Marriage counseling with possible divorce
My husband and I just started marriage counseling after discussing divorce, which came up during a high emotion, yelling fight. I had tried to get him to join marriage counseling for a couple years but he's very reluctant to go back to couples therapy because he feels he didn't get anything out of it when we went for a few short weeks 10 years ago, that we only focused on his faults and not mine. He lost his job back then and we stopped because we couldn't afford it. I don't want a divorce and regret being the one to blurt it out in anger to begin with but he's made several decisions moving forward with severing our marriage (getting a temporary place to live but came home after 3 days, telling all his friends). But he also was the one to offer to go to counseling now, although I'm baffled as to why and he has yet to answer why even indirectly. I'm not sure how to proceed with counseling to be honest, the first session went.....not great, and our counselor seems baffled by our relationship dynamic, insisting we focus on setting goals. Has anyone else felt lost or without direction when starting marriage counseling?
@triplee711
I imagine a lot of people starting marriage counselling do experiece a feeling of being lost or directionless. You've said you would like to stay married. Is it possible your husband has suggested it because he would like to stay married to you? I have no way of knowing what your relationship dynamic is like but every couple, ever relationship, is unique. And, talking about it with a counselor might feel really uncomfortable at first. I hope things are a little better at your next session and that a direction will emerge soon for you. Good luck.
He's said he's not sure if he'll regret a divorce in the future. Not exactly the same as not wanting a divorce. He was so certain for the week following the initial blow up that he was setting up time to try and talk to my dad ("I asked him permission to marry, I owe him at least the courtesy of telling him it's over") which hasn't happened yet. I finally broke down and talked to one good friend, an exceptional listener who made me felt heard for the first time in a long time. It felt good to confess my own marriage screw ups, but sad at the same time that my husband doesn't share the same with his friends. A couple of them are practically gleeful we're possibly divorcing, which feels truly awful. Do I want his friends to know the truly horrible things he's said to me? No, but my selfish inside wishes they had a small clue that our marriage pitfalls we're one sided. I mean, the walls are down and we've had open, angry, sad, etc. discussions about our relationship for the past 3 weeks but it still feels strange he cannot answer why he's willing to go to counseling. I'm sure I need to let it go, not one of my stronger suits.
