My kids
This is my first post, I don’t know where to start but I know I feel lost and hurt, I’m a mother of three children one is grown and two are still school age old enough to know better let’s put it that way. Dad and I divorced 3 years ago and it’s been rocky ever since between the younger kids and I. I try to keep the peace with their dad and he keeps pulling the kids more away from me as I’m the bad guy. My depression and anxiety got to the best of me with work, life and the kids not wanting to be with me. So he has had them these last few weeks before school starts and I miss them. Is it wrong of me to think they would want to call me or anything? I shouldn’t always have to be the one to check up on them but it just hurts that they don’t ever want to call or say hey mom can I come see you for a bit. Maybe I’m wrong
@frenchie20
I was once in a similar situation and I relate to what you are saying. Your feelings aren't wrong. I understand you miss your children a great deal and how hurtful it feels to have to be the one to always reach out to contact them. Co-parenting is challenging for many families, and it's especially when the other parent is talking negatively about you to your children. I can understand your feeling of depresssion and anxiety given the heartbreak you are experiencing. It sounds especially hard on you to be the one who always has to initiate contanct with the children. Would it be possible, or helpful, to talk to their dad; perhaps addressing your concerns about the negative things he's been saying? When you children return to your home, would you feel comfortable letting them know how much it means to you to hear from them when they are away from home? Might it be helpful to ask your children how they feel about the negative things their dad says about you?
@frenchie20
I understand where you are and how you feel is completely reasonable. I think you should shift your focus away from your ex and completely focus on your communication with your kids. Your ex is clearly talking to them, even though he's talking negatively about you, but are you speaking to them? Sometimes we try to shelter our kids and not let them into the messy of parts of the breakup but they need a bit of transparency. They need you to be honest with them, without going into too much detail if it's not appropriate for their age, and also without making them resent their father.
They are most probably hurt by the break up and looking for someone to blame. Try to make them understand why things are the way they are.
Also, remember your kids are kids. I don't know how old they are but as their mother, try to overlook the hurt and just do your best till they reciprocate your efforts. They will, eventually. Take some time to bond with them and show them you are interested in spending time with them.
