Narcissist Parents
I never thought of myself as having a troubled childhood, but especially after becoming a parent I am noticing all the inconsistencies in the messages I received growing up. Especially when considering and helping my son work through his emotions, I realized how much I was shamed and punished for my own. My parents would consistently scold me for making them look like bad parents, and more recently, they scold us for not communicating with them on their schedule which makes the rest of the family "be mean to them" as they will bring up our lack of communication in regular conversation. These are just tips of the iceberg with so much more darker content beneath the surface, but I'm just....so tired of them. I love living so far away from them, as I'm able to start ridding our life of their toxicity.
@FluffyPurpleTigers
Welcome to the generational divide, Fluffy! I hear you. I have only one of my parents still living, and I get really frustrated sometimes. but I realize this is how she was raised, and thankfully I learned some better lessons somewhere along the way that do not include following in her footsteps. I gently remind her sometimes to try to have a more positive mindset and to not be "judgy," for example. I find that giving a lot of grace is helpful, while following the beat of my own drum. Knowing that you are doing the best you can on behalf of your own children is awesome.
Yes. I can relate to all of this. My narcissistic mother lives we me and my family of 5 because I thought she might heal if surrounded by love…big mistake, she only got more entitled and spoiled. Now we’ve bought her a house and she refuses to move into it bc it’s “too small” (it’s a 2-bed single family on almost an acre!) and she’s single and would live there alone btw. I pay all her bills still, while she lives at my house, I pay the mortgage on the house she won’t move into, plus I pay her a “monthly allowance” for no reason…plus she works 8 hrs a week and collects SS! I’m cutting her off at the end of 2022. But she’s made me feel so guilty about trying to get my own space back and cutting off her “monthly allowance” and complained she won’t move into the house unless we finish the attic space too. WTF who says that?! She’s ruined Christmas for my family this year and continues to play the victim to anyone who will listen. She’s beyond toxic.
@FluffyPurpleTigers
I'm sorry to hear about your troubled childhood and the difficult experiences you have had with your parents and how you have had to cope with a lot of inconsistency in the messages and treatment you received, as well as ongoing toxic behavior. It's understandable that you feel tired and overwhelmed by this situation.
It's important to recognize that you are not to blame for your parents' behavior, and you have the right to take care of yourself and set boundaries in your relationships. It's not easy, but it can be helpful to try to communicate with your parents in a direct and respectful way about your needs and boundaries. It may also be helpful to seek support from a therapist or trusted friend or family member as you navigate this challenging situation.
Remember to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being. It's okay to distance yourself from toxic relationships and to seek support when needed.
