Not Heard Enough

Hiya, I go by Mono.

So in my family, my feelings get pushed aside. Even when I try to express myself, it's not enough to get through to them.

My mom: I love her very much. I am lucky to have her, but because I grew up with her pushing me away and just telling me "Go with your dad.", I never got to form that bond with her. And since my dad has passed, my mom is trying to form that bond with me and it isn't going so well. We got into an argument when we were in the car one time, and both of us were crying. She tried being the victim in the situation and it made me mad. I told her to take me to therapy, the both of us to therapy, but I guess she only heard me saying to take "me" to therapy. She started to trauma dump on me after I said that. The reason I don't talk to her about my personal problems as I know she will never hear me out. And it's harder with my aunt that just moved in with us.

My aunt: And you would think that because she's training to be in the psychological field, she would know why I act the way I do. Nope! I even tried to explain to her why I act the way I do, but noooo. I'm just being "disrespectful" to my mother. I respect my mom on the authoritive level very much, but I dont respect her on the emotional support level. And because I don't listen to my mom very well, my mom has given full right to my aunt to discipline me. "She's hard on you because she loves you." My mom says. I get the loving family part, but disciplining me is literally tipping me to the edge right now.

Now the only way I can express how I feel to my family is through music. But because it's music, none of them pay attention to the lyrics when I put it on. It really does hurt me even more when all I am called is lazy and disrespectful just because I'm not the same person anymore.