On continuing to ignore family
So lately, I have been rejecting a lot of "family" time because I don't like the drama and don't have the emotional capacity to deal with everything. I'm not trying to come off as bitter or anything, but my love life is not the best. My boyfriend is in a depression right now trying to avoid prison and focusing on managing his finances better so he can remain free but his family is making him feel down. My mom seems to have this view that "everything is perfect" but maybe it is to her but it isn't to me. Being with a partner who is dealing with their mental health while also battling your own is tough. My sisters are having children, I'm the only female that hasn't and I keep getting asked questions about when I am, but the reality is that I don't feel comfortable doing so until I have enough money because right now I'm living check to check and my boyfriend isn't in the financial position to take care of me and his child like that. I asked him about having a child next year and he said that wouldn't be bad, but I don't want to make a decision because it's what others are doing - I really want to make sure I'm in the headspace.
I really been avoiding a lot of family things because my siblings annoy me. Their happiness is almost as if I should be happy too and it's simply not the case. Again, I probably sound bitter, but right now in my life my focus isn't on a child - it's on getting through school so my boyfriend and I can be comfortable because right now we aren't. I really have been avoiding family gatherings - like last weekend my step sister had a baby shower and I didn't go. I don't know if my mom went or not but I'm tired of her too. My mom doesn't show up for me but she does everything for her husband and her marriage. She made a comment stating that she wasn't coming to visit me but she was going to be with my grandfather when she comes to my state - very hurtful seeing as though I moved and you still haven't came by to see my place.
Overall, I'm really just venting because I need to get things off of my chest and this is an emotion I deal with often - not trying to come across as bitter. I may just be bitter, but at this point if I am I really don't care because I have so much on my plate and I have to do things according to what is just and responsibly.
@sonnieeee
You really have so much going on in your life right now.
And it's ok, to prioritize you and what you need and sometimes, families can be alot.
It doesn't mean we don't love them but sometimes we don't have the headspace for it.
That's totally valid.
It's totally your call on when you want to have children , and if you didn't want them, it doesn't define your worth.
People really need to stop questioning other women on something which is totally personal and an outdated question.
And it's clear in your relationship, you also have so much to contend with.
Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate your way through all of this 🩵
@Amanda84 I do have a lot going on in my life because I feel that I am constantly trying to juggle so many balls at one time - show up as a best friend, daughter, sister, and all of this before just being myself. I am learning how to have more self compassion which is why I spend so much time praying and talking to God about my experience because I know that he will never give me more than I can bear.
I do want a child, but I don't want a child in a way that is traumatic to them. I care so much about my child's wellbeing, I don't want them feeling any emotions that I felt when I was growing up. I want my relationship to be loving, for us to share a home and our child to feel nurtured by individuals who are present, not neglected and dealing with depression the way I did. I grew up in a split household which caused a lot of emotional instability for myself, daily I feel that I am fighting to make emotionally sound decisions but it is not easy. I don't want my child to feel half of the anxiety I felt growing up. I just really care about the environment that I birth my child in.
Currently, I am doing a little better today but I am working on my anger. I have spent extensive time in my bible talking to God about anger and asking for guidance on how to deal with deep emotions that plague me. I know that I am not perfect so I am asking for God to give me guidance on how to deal with tough feelings so that I may be planted.
@sonnieeee
🩷🩷🩷
That truly is a lot to be dealing with. i've got some idea of what it feels like; i'm anxious and depressed and my wife is bipolar and we've had a lot of tough times, but we've been supporting eachother through our own low points for 26 years now.
You can do it, but it won't be easy and a lot of people just won't be able to understand. but the feeling of being able to be there for someone you love and knowing that they will be there for you is well worth it.
kind thoughts from me.
I needed that, thank you. I wish you and your wife well
@sonnieeee
I read this and I said out loud, " Did I write this? "
.You are not alone. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. Your personal boundaries, God and what is under your roof are top priority. Set them and stand firm.
There is no timeline you have to follow, children are a huge blessing and that time will come. God does only give what we can handle. What you are going through is definitely a huge weight to carry, it may be tough to realize now, it's only making you stronger. You already have a strength not many are willing to face and actual do, which is acknowledging your needs and wants come first.
Take a deep breath and let go and let God. He will carry you and guide you through.
You got this!
@sonnieeee
I need to make a correction, I didn't mean to put needs and wants, I meant to put your needs and importance of your mental health.
@sonnieeee
Thank you for sharing this with us and venting here . I wish you are doing well right now 💐
it sounds like you are feeling incredibly overwhelmed and drained by everything on your plate right now .
from balancing your own mental health while supporting your partner to navigating the financial pressure of living paycheck to paycheck .
Please know that you do not sound bitter at all . It makes complete sense that you feel hurt by your mom’s comments and tired of the family drama , especially when you are working so hard to focus on school and your future . Protecting your headspace and setting boundaries to take care of yourself is a very responsible choice .
Carrying all of this weight at once must feel so isolating , When you are feeling this emotionally empty at the end of the day , what is one kind thing you can do for yourself to help you recharge your energy ?
@sonnieeee
First of all, thank you for sharing. Based on some of the replies, it seems that many people do resonate with your story. Second of all, I am so sorry to hear about EVERYTHING you are going through, which is a lot, across many different relationships. Your mental exhaustion is somewhat inevitable, and I commend you for your strength, and also for turning to 7cups to get you through this time. Lastly, you are far from bitter. You are dealing with so much unwanted pressure and pain, and your feelings are completely valid. I do really hope that things start to improve for you soon, if they have not already. The entire 7cups community is here for you!
@sonnieeee
I maybe a bit late on this. But you ARE dealing with a lot. And it's completely okay to vent it out. Balancing the physical stressors along with the emotional load, may lead to feeling overwhelmed. What decisions you make in your life is completely your choice. Family pressure is real though. But it doesn't define you, your goals and your decisions.
You are doing great so far!!! And being clear about what stresses you out and what the problems are adds to it. Wish you the best for everything and big hugs to you!! You deserve it (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃
