Parenting 15YO Daughter in Turmoil
I am hurting right now for my teen and we all know as mom there is no physical way to take her pain. I just got custody of her after 5 years with her das.
She has been emotionally traumatized by her father. She feels abandoned by me, her dad, and both her brothers emotionally. She is in a delicate age to deal with a split household and she is super depressed and not eating well. She is relying on a 16 yo boy to spill all her issues to and gain empathy all while he is going through similar situation. (Thank goodness he is far away and physical connection is not possible unless we visit on rare occassion)
Doctor Apts have been made and encouragement and love is shown her way constantly throughout the day.
I myself am going through seperation/ divorce (he left only 10 days ago) and trying to stay positive, happy, joyful, grateful whatever... but it is just plain HARD! No income, trying to study, working on finding a job, and take a major board exam. Life looks so bleak at the moment and trying to hold on is mentally exhausting!
I don't even know how to ask for what we need. I just don't want to fail her as her mom. I want to know the magic to getting her up and outside and doing her school work without making her feel more pressure.
@sadmama314
Sorry to hear your life is on a dark roller coaster ride. Do you have siblings or family members you can reach out to?
You may want to call your local social service for a list of local resources and apply for government assistance.
I pray everything will work out for you.
@sadmama314
I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for you and your daughter currently. I will try to share some thoughts -
The magic is in the powerful emotions you feel for her. The fear you feel in failing her. The hurt you feel on her behalf. All those emotions make a strong connection which lead you to wanting to make everything right for her, except, she doesn't know that yet - because they haven't been told to her. Yes, you are showing her constant love but it is also okay to share with her your fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, even failures and money worries. At 15 she is capable of understanding and respecting the fact that while things are not perfect, you want to give it your best for her! You don't need to get it all right in the first attempt. It helps a lot to share and work together on setting little goals to achieve together. Not every step will be a win and that's okay. The steps where we don't win are made a tiny bit easier knowing she understands you did your best, even if that wasn't enough in that instance. The team work, common approach, helping each other understand one another. She is your partner in rebuilding this relationship from the point where it was snatched away from you both.
You don't need to do it alone.
UPDATE*- doc apt has put us on a path to progress. She has some hope. We have a long road ahead of healing and rebuilding our mother/daughter relationship. We got heavily involved on to a horse, which almost always is positive impact (except financially hahaha, but totally worth it).
I am trying to just stay positive and calm and patient with her. Hoping she will feed off that energy.
I am in the word daily and trying to process myself worth. My depression, my trauma, etc. So I can heal this vessel so it can carry her farther. I do struggle with that a bit not out of lack of faith or trust, but not understanding the suffering and pain. But it is starting to look a little different each day, each message.
I can only pray her and I are I. A cocoon phase now and the transformation is coming soon and we will be magical and beautiful shortly!
