Parent's too dependant on me.....
My parents is 2016 have lived with me. Have relied on their kids more than they should because of poor choices that they made. Since 2019 it's become required because my mom is very sick and on nightly dialysis. My dad is addicted to pills and relies on them fully but it's managed through an addiction management program. But it still F#$@$ with his mind. My parents were good parents for the most part We weren't abused We weren't neglected I had a good childhood had good Christmases. I've had discussions with my father about his frivolous spending with my income and my mom's SSDI check. We don't make a lot but we're not struggling. We have luxuries like streaming services and buy groceries that are probably more expensive. The thing is is it feels like he has no consideration for me wanting to get out of debt and does the most uncontrolled spending sprees while being at the grocery or walmart.com but for stupid stuff that we don't need or grocery items when on a budget we shouldn't be buying. I know his mind is altered by pills and a lot of the stuff happens at night. But here's my thing I'm stressed I want to live my life but I feel like my parents are suffocating me. And and of course I could just throw them out but they would be homeless. I love my parents but I feel like I don't know what to do I've had arguments about how he spends My money. Look he has access to the SSDI card and only has access to my card when he runs out. I can't simply tell him oh no you can't get mom's prescription or your prescription simply because you spent your SSD card money 10 days after you got it. Also can't kick them out. Because I love them. Late night rambling and I'm not even sure if this makes sense. Can you love someone and despise them at the same time. I love them and they suffocate me and I feel like they don't even notice even though I give hints all the time. But I can't expect them to try on their own I know they wouldn't be able to make it They don't simply have enough money. How did this mutual beneficial arrangement be such a good idea in 2016 turn into a nightmare by 2021 and for the rest of their living life? Help.
@rogerssmatt
It sounds like you love your parents very much and you have the best intentions to care for them when you opened your home to them in 2016. It sounds like you were raised in a loving home and I can relate to your desire to care for them and look out for their best intrests. It sounds like you have done a good job in getting help for your father through the addiction management program. It also sounds like you are doing all you can to support your mother through her illness. I hope you are giving yourself the credit you deserve in tenderly caring for and supporting them both in their times of need. You are doing a good job and I believe they appreciate you in your efforts. Your love for them in evident in bot your words and your actions.
It sounds like your biggest issue is related to the financial pressures caused by your father's uncontrolled spending. I understand how costly it can be to purchase medications and personal items for your parents as well as providing them as well as caring for their basic needs (food, clothing, housing) and some luxuries. You mentioned you father is receiving the SSDI payments and has access to your personal account. How do you feel about setting some boundaries with regards to his spending? You may be able to get some help from Social Security, if that is an avenue you wish to pursue, by becoming the payee for your parents' income. As a payee, you would be able to dispurse the funds from their monthly income as needed to cover medications and other necessities they need each month. How do you feel about limiting your father's access to your personal account? Are there ways you can allow him access to money that wouldn't impact your personal finances? Perhaps a pre-paid credit card where you can make deposits for his discressionary income as needed? Does his addiction management program offer some advice or referals to services that can help him control his spending? Would you feel comfortable speaking with a representive at your bank for advice on financial planning?
