Setting boundaries with NF (narcissistic father)
TW: cheating (just briefly mentioned)
Hi, first post. Looking for a little advice, if anyone has gone through it, etc.
The other weekend, my baby sister graduated high school (yay!). So I went to celebrate with my siblings and parents. For a long list of reasons, I dislike my father and, even though my mother has chosen to stay with him despite him cheating, I try to avoid being around him if I can help it. Obviously, I wanted to support my sister. So, I went to the graduation and dinner with them. I basically avoid being near or having direct conversations with my father if at all possible, and it went pretty well that day. The issue came when we got back to my parents house. I was speaking with my mom and getting ready to leave to go home (hubs and I live further away).
For God knows what reason, my father chose to say goodbye....by giving me a hug and kiss on the cheek.
Mind you, I've not touched this man since discovering he cheated about 4 years ago, barely talk to him, and didn't even have a good relationship to start with. At this point, I thought there was a mutual understanding that we say goodbye, I wave, I leave. Clearly I was wrong. I know that is on me since I didn't verbalize the boundary.
Moving forward, I know I NEED to verbalize the boundary and soon. I didn't realize how much it would affect me but it messed me up big time this week, so it needs addressed to not happen again.
However, I am SO worried about this. If I could just cut him out, I would, but I love my mother and she's still with him. Every conversation I've ever had with him that involves changing something or how he made me feel always becomes a gaslighting rant/scream on his end.
Has anyone had to verbally set boundaries with their narcissistic father? How did you do it?
I'm worried about even broaching the subject, but I know I need to do it to help myself. I also have to see him this weekend for her graduation party and am trying to prepare myself.
Appreciate any help 💕 TIA
You shouldn't
...I shouldn't set boundaries or shouldn't talk to him?
I'm sorry that happened to you. The relationship with my narcissistic dad and me is weirdly opposite, so I may not be much help - I wish he would be more affectionate and show that he cares. It just goes to show how complicated relationships can be.
My advice for what it's worth is to tell you dad that you are still dealing with feeling anger toward him and that you would appreciate it if he didn't initiate physical affection because you are not in a place where you are comfortable with that.
Setting boundaries is difficult for me, and with my dad, I can't even imagine being able to express anything like that, but it sounds like you have done a good job of expressing your feelings toward him, and that is super! I'm proud of you!