Sibling enstrangement
Hello community members,
I am unsure how to deal with a situation and looking for some friendly helpful advice.
My brother has fallen out with the family because we were unable to help them financially with a situation (amongst other things). We did all we could but it was not enough. There was already difficulties because their partner does not like us (no idea why, when asked the reply is "they just don't"). My brother is quite a bully and blames me and the parents for what feels like everything that goes wrong for them. They have a child which we are not allowed to see and my brother was in hospital very ill recently (4+ wks) and we were not told by the partner. I found out bumping into one of their friends in the shops. We were blocked on everything which made reaching out difficult. So I sent an email and that got returned with abuse. I / we have tried to move past the issue into a healthy space but they want us to accept the blame for something we had no part in. So I said something along the lines of "we will own and apolgise for what we have done if you can do the same and we can move forward".....they hung up and its been 5 months. I am at a loss. They are alienating us from the childs life for what I and the extended family feel is very immature behaviour, and that child is losing half a family because of it. It has been very hurtful.
Any ideas??
Hey, @IntrovertedOldSoul, I feel for you 
It's hard for me to reach out to my siblings who are closed-off emotionally. I want them to know that I'm there for them even if they don't want to open-up to me, but I can't even tell them that because they'll look at me funny. I just continue praying for them and continue to treat them with love and respect. I don't know why they are the way they are, but God knows why, so I just trust Him that He's working on their hearts.
@friendlySkies6250 Thank you for your input I relly appreciate it, it helps alot. Thank you
my adoptive brother started going down a path my mom wasn’t okay with, he moved out got a boyfriend and didn’t text me for about 6 months.then i texted him on his birthday he responded ,but my feelings were still hurt.Then on a random November(his birthday is in September) he checked in with me ,I was so hurt about the situation i didn’t respond.Then came my birthday he texted i never responded.i feel i didn’t do the right thing not texting him back but i am only 15 and he’s much older so i feel like i can’t ask my mom if i can text him because they are still no contact
@IntrovertedOldSoul
Hello Soul💗💗
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds like an incredibly emotional situation, especially when it feels like you're being blamed for things that aren't your fault, and when you're being shut out of your brother's life and the child's life. I can understand how hurtful it must be to feel like you've done everything you could, yet still end up being this distanced, especially when you had no part in the issues. Family dynamics can be really complicated, and when someone's partner doesn't like you, it can make things even harder. I can see why you're feeling at a loss after trying so hard to move forward in a healthy way only to be met with rejection and anger.
You can continue to offer support while respecting boundaries they've set, it's important to let your brother and his partner know that you're still there for them if they ever want to reconnect it could be a simple message expressing your ongoing support like " I understand you're upset right now, but I want you to know that I'm here if you ever want to talk or need anything."
Five months of silence must feel like I really long time soul, and I hear how much you care about the family and want to move past this. It's painful to be in a situation where you feel like you're being punished for something you had no part in, and it's not easy to let go of that kind of hurt. Do you feel like there's any way forward from here, or do you feel stuck in this space? It might take time for them to process everything but I really hope you and your family can find a path to healing even if it feels difficult right now.💗💗
@IntrovertedOldSoul
Dearest member 🎀 ♥️
Wow. I am incredibly sorry about what you're going through with your brother right now. It sounds like you and your family have, firstly, felt as though you have not been acknowledged for all the support you gave to you brother. Despite it being not enough, it sounds like you did all that you could out of your kindness and care. And secondly, are being blamed for things that aren't any of your faults and are being disliked for unknown reasons. As a result you have been cut off from a relationship from them and their child. I can see how that can feel extremely cruel and unfair.
That would have been so difficult to hear from a random person, rather than you brother's partner, that your brother was very ill. When it comes to matters that are emotional and serious, it truly DOES matter who it comes from.
It sounds like you still deeply care for your brother and want to rekindle the relationship and why you reached out to them. I also think it's fair that at the same time you are protecting your own boundaries by asking for the same grace and acknowledgement back. It appears as though you have taken a mature approach. I'm sorry they couldn't respond to this attempt and you were dismissed. That is hurtful.
What you've shown me is a lot of emotional maturity by trying to move past the situation, even though you were incredibly confused and hurt by your brothers actions. Sometimes the best thing you can do is protect your own peace by letting go but leaving space for reconciliation if it ever comes around. What might this (protecting your peace) look like for you?
Family conflict can cut really deep. I really hope that you family are able to move past this and heal someday ❤️ sending you lots of my care and thoughts. If you ever want to talk about this more my chat box is always open.
Hi @IntrovertedOldSoul, thank you so much for sharing your situation. Sibling/family estrangement can be something that is difficult to navigate. It sounds like you have done your part with reaching out and apologizing for the situation. Unfortuantely, you cannot force anyone to do the same. Its like that one quote, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink".... I completely understand where you are coming from and why you are upset. It can be frustrating when you recieve hostility or silence when you are trying your best.
Good luck and I hope things turn better soon! 💗
@IntrovertedOldSoul
I am so sorry to hear how challenging this has been for your family and I want to thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this with us here. From what you have shared, despite all the challenges that you and your family were facing with your brother you tried your best to help him out in any way possible. It's unfortunate that instead of focusing on that your brother and his partner only focused on what you were unable to do. You have respected your brother and his family's space and boundaries at a high personal cost (no contact with his child and not being privy to what's happening in his life). I also think that it was very mature of you to draw a boundary to protect yourself and your parents by asking him to show you the same grace, respect and acknowledgment that you have shown him. I understand how difficult it must be to be estranged from your own sibling, especially when you haven't done anything wrong; however, it is equally important to protect yourself and your parents from further emotional distress. All I can say at this point is, keep the door open so that you can one day reconnect and reunite with your brother but also safeguard your dignity and more importantly your peace of mind. This has to be a two way street and so far from what you have shared the efforts have been one-sided. I sincerely hope that this situation gets resolved soon and you all can live together as one happy family. Take care of yourself and your parents.
@IntrovertedOldSoul Hi, as I understood from your post, I can relate how hard is the situation nowadays for you and your family. Although I am not eligible to give you any advices here, but I'd like to ask you if you guys have been talk in person about what have happened in the past which might cause this situation instead of only have the response from your brother's partner : "just don't like". Communication is the key in a lot of situations, it matters a lot in family especially. I know it is hard to talk with the people who is not intend to do so, but sometimes, we have to be active and try to explain the reason we are doing it. At the end, I think, love is the key in the life. Hope you and your family can cope with it successfully, and hope I could help you at least a little bit! Best wishes.
@IntrovertedOldSoul
im really sorry youre going through this it sounds like youve done your best to make things right but they arent ready to meet you halfway
its painful to be kept away especially from the child but sometimes people shut others out to protect themselves
focus on what you can control like taking care of yourself and being open if theyre ready to reconnect setting boundaries to protect your wellbeing is okay too
@IntrovertedOldSoul
Thank you for being open about what you’re going through. Estrangement within families, especially between siblings, can be incredibly challenging to manage. It sounds like you’ve taken responsibility by reaching out and offering an apology, which is all you can truly control. Unfortunately, you can’t make someone else meet you halfway - you can offer the opportunity, but you can’t force acceptance.
I completely understand why this situation is upsetting for you. It’s discouraging to be met with silence or negativity when you’re genuinely trying to do the right thing.
Wishing you the best, and I hope things improve for you soon.
