Toxic parent and emotionally abusive home
Today my mom told me that even though I’m 19 and my sister is 22, it doesn’t matter how old we are, as long as we live u see her roof she owns us. She owns our bank accounts, our social lives, controls even our academic lives in college/grad school. Nothing we have is ours even though we both have full time jobs and pay for our own things. She is emotionally abusive and my dad just leaves because she blames him for everything and doesn’t even let him get a word in. It is cheaper for them to stay together even though they are not “together”. My older sister never stands up to her even though she walks all over her and she’s literally a grown adult, who is smart, a good kid and in literal medical school but somehow we’re “awful, spoiled brats”. I just want to tell her that she just makes me straight up sad. She makes me want to self harm. But she doesn’t care/understand. We get into at least 3 awful fights every week. I’m miserable here but neither my sister or I are financially stable enough to support ourselves especially Bc we’re in school. I try and defend my sister because it’s ridiculous the way she talks to her and us but then I always make it 10x worse. I just can’t sit back and take it like my sister does. I try so hard to make her understand that she can’t treat us like we’re 12 anymore. She drinks too much and refuses to get help for her mental disorders. She has undiagnosed anxiety, OCD, and bipolar.
It sounds like you're in a very difficult, even heartbreaking situation. Thank you for sharing with us. You mention your sister. Is she someone you can turn to for a reality check / commiseration? Even if her way of dealing with it is to avoid confrontation, it might be a relief just to have someone to turn to who knows exactly where you've been. I'm sorry you have to deal with this and wish you strength in getting through the thick of it. If it helps, try to focus on the future you want for yourself and what you need to do to get there. It may also help to surround yourself with people who make sense and affirm you.
Figure out a positive constructive way to live apart from your parents eg higher studies. Dnt forget to keep in touch with your sibling though. With a little space you will get a breather. 🙂🙂
@crimsonPapaya8097 This is so awful. *hugs* I was in a similar situation when I lost my job and had to move back home. It was rough. You are in a really rough place it sounds like and I hope you can hang in there until you are able to afford a place of your own. Even if you have a friend you can crash with for a few days idk. I used to go on long trips to the Dunkin Donuts when I was at home just to take a break from the house somehow. You are doing the right thing standing up to her and not backing down. That is so hard and takes a lot of guts. I wish you the best in eventually getting out of this situation.
Another thought, have you tried calling a domestic violence hotline or social services since you are still young? In my own situation, I ended up calling 911 and was taken to an inpatient hospital after living at home with my toxic family. It was a rather desperate way to get out of there but it did get me out and able to receive treatment for myself.
Love you are brave lady 🫂🫂
I know how it’s hard to live with you mom especially ( controlling) all things related to her kids . Two ways and do what makes you feel comfortable:
1- try to avoid her as much as possible and focus on your study and graduate , you have your money as well your sister so you are not in need for her you can live somewhere near and legally both are adult .
2- try to agree to whatever she said and yes to whatever she said if you you don’t want to move and want to live with her , try to go with the flow but don’t do what she said in reality just give her that power she can control us .
Your mom like to control because when she was a kids her parent treated her the same way so she do it again with her kids . I know it hurt because I also have this mom who want to control as well judge me because she see that I’m an evil comparing to my siblings. Parents with issues and trauma always scared from their child success because they feel they are losing control over them .
Hey, @crimsonPapaya8097.
I am almost five years late to leave this message but I still want to say that you have been very strong in surviving your home. I understand how it feels to be controlled, when everything you do feels like it's being monitored. You are not wrong in wanting to fight for your sister and be heard. That is a very powerful value to have. It is that your mom is not in a state where she will be able to do things right. She won't be able to listen or see where she is being cruel because she is too caught up in her own misery. You will not drown in that even if that's what she's trying to do because you have the fire in you to fight. And fighting does not always mean speaking up, it can also mean having the patience to build the life that will allow you to break free from her shackles. Hugs from me, I know very well how it feels.
