Trying to let the past go

I don’t know where to start with this. This is probably going to be a novel, so first I’ll give a TLDR:

My step mom bullied me all throughout my childhood and teenage years, and I am struggling to forgive her and move on.

Growing up, my step mom seemed to resent me. She used to make fun of my appearance (I liked to dress kinda… out there. Think dyed blue hair and leggings with cat heads.) What I’m really struggling with though is, when I was in college, I wanted to go to school full time and focus and therefore didn’t want to work. My scholarships and student loans paid for my expenses so I didn’t have to work. I was constantly ridiculed by my step mom and father (who I think was influenced by her) for being “lazy”, “irresponsible”, and “not a real adult”. Fast forward to my graduation from school, when I got offered a position with extremely well pay and benefits 2 weeks later. Funny enough, the job brought me to the city that they live in, so I have a lot more interaction with them.

Anyway, she has been behaving in ways that are triggering for me. She quit her job because she felt it wasn’t fair that she had to work, and wants my father to be the breadwinner. She also depends on my father for… well, mostly everything. She’s finally had to go back to work because they are struggling financially. She has my dad fill out her job applications for her and take those personality tests that jobs sometimes make you take.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on this and why it’s so bothersome for me. I believe that she used to lash out at me and call me names because she was projecting her own insecurities. I think she’s always been jealous of me and my mother. I could be wrong, but that’s just what I’ve picked up on.

Her current behavior is just screaming hypocritical in my face. I’ve always felt like I was put down, even when I was succeeding. I’m the first and only member of my family who went to college. I am so proud of myself, and I am thriving in my career. It makes me angry that she belittled me and made me feel horribly throughout my entire life, and now she’s displaying all of the qualities she accused me of being.

I don’t know how to move forward from this. Part of me wants to sit her down and explain to her how she made me feel growing up, and how she’s behaving currently is bothering that pain that I haven’t healed from. But on the other hand, I’m scared of that process, and I really don’t even have high hopes that it would be beneficial. Who knows, maybe she’s open to hearing me, but she’s one of the most judgmental and close-minded people I’ve ever met. So I think my other answer is to accept that this is just the type of person she is, and to let go of the pain that she has inflicted on me.

We do get along now, but I feel like our relationship is just a superficial, surface level one. I mostly just avoid oversharing about my life and try to keep the peace.

I just want to stop hurting from these past wounds. And maybe even have a better relationship with her.

Thank you for sticking it out reading this long post. Any and all advice is appreciated. TIA❤️