emotional abuse
emotional abuse is a thing and i never knew i was going through it till i became more mature and realized thats i was always emotionally abused by my dad i always thought its just how his personality is but i noticed how he treats my siblings differently without ever knowing why
Emotional abuse is absolutely a thing. I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. I’m also very impressed that you have found this site to connect with support. You might find talking this out with a listener could be really beneficial. There might be a little to unpack but you’re certainly on the right path!
i knew asking for therapy wouldn’t work so i thought id look for an app where i can open up to someone because i don’t easily open up to close friends i have alot to unpack and i think building up my emotions and trauma is really affecting my daily tasks
Well done you! I’m glad you’re reaching out and it looks like you’ve already had contact from others here who understand where you’re coming from. I encourage you to browse the listener section, read some listener profiles and connect with someone one on one. You can build trust with the right listener which can give you the space to start unpacking the things that are bothering you.
i am hoping to find a person who will help me unpack everything and help with my temper hopefully next year is my year thank u for ur comment🫶🏼
Oh yes, my parents do treat me completely different from my other siblings so I feel for you. I wish I knew myself what lead to them having so much ugly thoughts towards their own child. Have you tried confronting your father? Sometimes all you need is an honest talk, if you've just come to realisation that you're treated differently - maybe he doesn't feel like he does any harm to you. Don't let him gaslight you if he tries though. From my experience it's often a case that they tend to say you're just overreacting or try to make it all about themselves.
i can’t confront him he already has a temper with me and i try my best to avoid talking to him once he didnt talk to me for months without talking because i asked him about where im gonna study university and gave him options in his opinion it doesn’t matter what i say and only he can choose for me
Yeah, was hoping your case would've been better than mine. I'm sorry to hear that. I've had a similar problem with my mother - she told me I shouldn't go to college at all because I'm too dumb for it and I should just go and start working as a hairdresser or whatever so I could learn how to do it for her or something like that. She wanted to utilize me somehow for her own sake...
In the end I just stood up for myself, went to uni, moved out and lived off my scholarship at that time. She wasn't that bad at the time though. It was the best decision I've ever made. Sadly had to get back home because everything was closed off due to COVID and I had no other way or reason to stay there.
Your father's temper is one thing but if you've never tried speaking to him about it - he won't ever get the slightest idea that what he's doing is wrong. He might listen, he might not. In my case they didn't but at least I know now that I've tried, not once, not twice. It's scary to open up to someone trying to make them realise that they're hurting you. But in the end I know that it's not my issue that we're not on good terms. This does give me a bit of reassurance. It might not be a way of getting a solution but this is a start. You know the situation better and you can act on it or at least start planning your way out of it.
I hope you can find strength in this situation and not let other people, fam or not, oppress you like that. Your voice matter. Your opinion matter. You should be able to control your own life and make your own decisions. Some people just have to fight a little extra for it.
when he was married to my mom he treated her the same way its like hes there but emotionally hes never there i never felt like i actually had a dad i just had a guardian that didnt let me live my teenage years
now im forced to take a gap year and waiting for a visa so i can leave and go to different country for university but im not even 100% sure hes gonna pay for university
i tried confronting him at 16 and i just ended up crying myself to sleep theres no use even my mom told me the same thing
so i really do hope i get to leave next year and start my own life i have so many things i didn’t get to experience and now i want to
@hopingforthebetter
It is hard to imagine why but some children who may exhibit traits in them that remind the parent of things they do not like about themselves or perhaps in their parents and they treat that child differently ......
my spouse an our oldest never have gotten along and now has been decade since they have even spoke the funny thing is they are both very similar and not always in a good way..... both insist they are right even if proven wrong both like to believe they are the smartest in the room and so on.....
Not saying this is every situation but many times i have seen this play out .... While i do think it is a form of emotional abuse many times they do not see their own blind spot when it comes to WHY that child has effected them so .... my spouse still does not see it ....... it is the same reason he never got along with his own mother same personality that feel they can not be confronted by another one who thinks of themselves as alpha.
i do have alot of traits from him and i did think about it the same way you just said it maybe he sees himself in me but yet i also think because my parents are divorced and i was always on my moms side maybe it made him hate me i honestly dont know im an overthinker and whenever he does anything i have to keep thinking till i figure it out and i never know cause i never know what he’s thinking
@hopingforthebetter
I understand and my son use to do the same thing ... try to guess why and frankly i do not think parents who are in this situation can explain the feelings ....maybe a little bit of the siding with your MOM also but there is a lot to unwrap and figure out to why ...... i hope you find some idea and he can see his errors to repair what you can.