mother

tomorrow is father's day, on which i am sure to hear more from my mother than him. after many years, i think i will finally have to have a talk with them about my independence.

a little about me: i'm a woman, 24, recently married, and haven't lived with my family in 6 years.

my mom and i just simply don't have a healthy relationship. it hasn't felt even okay since i was a small child. none of this to even mention the emotional abuse and parentification, she has done many things over the course of my life to sabotage me becoming independent. for example, she refused to teach me how to drive because she "knew it would take me away from her." she tried to control my choice of going to college. she's tried to control where i live. and still does, which brings me to father's day.

about a week ago i moved in with my husband's parents. a huge part of my anxiety in this move comes from back a couple months ago, when my mom already started getting mad when i told her i didn't plan on living with her over the summer during break. remember, i'm married and 24. so right now, all she knows is that i'm not in school and that i'm living somewhere in this region with my husband. so tomorrow, i'll be at least talking to my dad. but i know that when either of them find out where i'm living, it'll be instant jealous reactions from my mom. my dad at least acknowledges that i'm an adult.

so tomorrow, i imagine a conversation like this:

Mom: Why don't you want to live here? What makes here so bad? // Me: I haven't felt comfortable living with you or dad. You've both put me through things that you refuse to acknowledge affected me. You continue to be people I can't mentally handle, because look around you. This place is in constant drama. Every day you bring someone else through with a warrant, or go meet up with them. I can't be around that! I never could! This isn't the rant of some teenager, I'm an adult and making the choice to stay away from you and be independent is something that I'm proud of. Not even to mention the logic of living less than half an hour away from work compared to at least an hour. You should feel happy for me that I'm fortunate enough to have someone close to my work that isn't making me pay rent that is letting me stay with them for the summer.

Some of this is the more adult version of things I've wanted to say for 10 years.