my mom doesn't understand

my mom is really abusive. she doesn't understand me. she doesn't care about me. but afterall she's my mother. and my belief is really strong. im alive right now just for my belief that my life is a gift and i cant waste it. my belief tells me "that's your mother. act like it. respect her." and i do just that. she also manipulates me in every way of my life. but i cant help it. i listen to my belief that she's my mother and i have to act like it. but after she gets her work done she always breaks my heart. she acts nice and all sweet when she's manipulating me and when her work is done i start getting abused.

i really dont tell her about my feelings. but i really thought about it. and today i did. i was expecting her not to understand. but i hoped. the only thing that gets me going. but pushes me through the edge all the time. and my expectation was true. she didn't understand. she gave me that i-dont-care vibe and threatened me she'll tell everyone false information about me. which always happens. i just get manipulated easily and fall in her traps. and i feel worse tham ever.