toxic household
im not sure if this is the right group for this but i really need help. we are currently living with my momom and its really taking a toll on me. she screams in my face for nothing yells about literally everything she can think of she will sit there and find things to cry about just because shes having problems and wants to make others feel like she does. i cant do it anymore. its been so many years dealing with stuff like this and i genuinely cant i snapped at her today. i turn 18 next month and i was wondering if anyone could give me tips on how to find my own place and how to raise money for it. i have a job but its hard to save because i dont make much. i tried posting asking for donations and stuff like that but nobody ever interacted with it so i took them down. i really am stumped here and i need to get out as soon as i can. i cant do this anymore its breaking me down and i can see it doing the same to my little brother as well. it pains me that he has to go through this shit too.
i think i mightve posted this in the wrong spot im so sorry
Hello!!!
Yes I completely get you. Sometimes parents treat us worse than what we deserve. I moved out after repeated fighting and disrespect from my mom.
But to answer your question
- Asks to live with a friend or a favorite relative. If not possible, asks if they know anybody renting a room.
- look online through roomies.con and Craigslist . Living on your own doesn’t have to be in an apartment. There are always nice couples, families, and other home owners looking to rent out rooms. This is way cheaper and way easier.
- Mabye move to college dorms or relocate close to a community college. College is exciting and you get to learn while living away from your parents. College dorms aren’t perfect but they are a great stepping stone .
- Become a live in caregiver or nanny. Great options if you want to work and live for free.
Saving for moving out
- Work two jobs . I worked two jobs for about two-three months before moving so I had enough for a security deposit.
- Determine how much you need: Get a piece of paper or open an excel sheet and write expenses and how much you’re willing to spend. For example, I know I needed a car,gas,insurance for car, rent , entertainment and fun, food, etc. and determined I needed at least 1700 to live somewhat comfortably. But I live in Cali so your living expenses might be less.
- Devote part of your paycheck to saving. I automatically saved 40% when I was living at home.
- Consider getting a certificate to get a higher paying job. If you don’t want to take the college route, consider trade schools or certificates. These will give you better job opportunities so you can support yourself . Some certificates and trade schools include home inspector, real estate agents, cpa, flair bartender, paralegal, home health aide, medical assistant, phlebotomist, tattoo artist and piercer, Saveserv certificate if you want to just manage restaurants and bars, insurance agent, pharmacy tech, covid contact tracer, plumber, mechanic, etc. sure it requires extra schooling but these jobs pay well
- Get a credit card to start building credit. But Do NOT live on them. Debt is the worst thing ever. Pay it off every month !!
- Be careful of get rich trick schemes, sugar daddies, and only fans. If you decide to take this route, prepare for the potential consequences. If you want a corporate life, are you prepared for one of your coworkers to possibly find your only fans account. Are you willing to lose potential partners when they find out another man or woman supports you.
As far as advice, breathe and don’t rush things. Do not try to wing it. Yes, you are an adult, but you don’t want to move out run out of money only to move back in again. As far as your little brother. Im sorry this is happening. But you can either provide him a hide away from your mom when he needs to get away for the weekend when you’re settled or maybe it might not be affecting him (assuming you haven’t already talked to him) . Remember you’re young and you’re just taking the first steps of life. Where you are now is not where you’ll be ten years from now .
stay safe and good luck!!
thank you guys so much! my moms on my side even tho shes still a bit toxic shes been getting better this was about my momom that we've been living with, i have no other relatives besides my abusive aunt and my job is hard to get to now being i have no job plus i wont be able to work two jobs because i graduate in june. ive been planning money saving and things like that and i will look into renting a room from someone thank you!
@jinxbunny556
I moved your post to the Family Relationship Support area for you 😊
~ Sher CML/F&C