Feeling trapped

My husband is older than myself. He had been disabled by psychiatric issues for about 23 years. More recently he has started dementia on top of the other. I was a little later in life as a parent and my youngest is in her Jr year at University.

My spouse does not travel well. I can do a weekend or slightly more with him. I had been told I could get up there 4weels a year of respite with him in a nursing home type of place. I called to see about that and it seems the ones in our area don't schedule more than a couple weeks in advance. This sort of defeats the purpose of being able to plan to get a vacation etc.

I suppose I can just try them plan what ever bargain I can get at the last minute with an app or such.

I am just feeling trapped. This should be the golden years. I worked my tail off raising and homeschooling the kids, taking care of H, maintaining several rental houses to make a living while doing that, home repairs, car repairs, etc etc.

My mom is elderly and her days of living independently are numbered.

I just had surgery for breast cancer. The outlook is good but I know it often sneaks back up later. It seems like these next years are the time to do what I would want before my health won't an impacted once more.

I have enough income at the moment to outsource some of my work and finding help is hard also. I might look at just putting some funds towards a private pay facility.

In the mean time I am planning to take some overnight trips with my H just to let some steam off, but those trips are usually focused on him entirely and he talks about the past and tells the same old few stories over and over and gets angry if I redirect or change the subject.

Just venting. This will pass, it's just that the trapped ness is coming into focus.