Growing up with betrayal in my family
Hi. I want to share a part of my life that has been heavy on my heart.
I grew up with a father who cheated on my mother. Even worse, he seemed proud of it and said that he didn’t feel loved by his parents, so he sought love from others — even though he already had a wife and children.
My mother knew what was happening from the early years of their marriage. I admire her strength and her sacrifices for us, her children, but it also breaks my heart to see what she endured. Sometimes I feel angry, sometimes sad, sometimes powerless.
Growing up with this environment shaped how I see relationships. I feel fear and distrust toward men and marriage, and I know I don’t want a life like that.
I’m sharing this here because I don’t have anyone I can openly talk to about it. Has anyone else grown up in a family with betrayal and felt its long-term impact? How do you cope with these feelings?
I just want someone to know.
@adventurousRaspberries56
I'm sorry your father betrayed your mother.
His upbringing wasn't any justification.
Thankfully there are many wonderful men in the world, who respect their marriages and their children.
It's important you process how you feel and when you are in a relationship, to not be afraid to set boundaries, there's no reasons for anyone to cheat 💚
@adventurousRaspberries56
What we grow up with does not have to define us. Too many say it does because it deflects their bad choices.
Sometimes as a child we see our parents in a different light. Instead of just people who have flaws and issues. A relationship is not set in stone because of marriage or kids. How did they get along day to day. Have you as you grown up asked about it or talked to either parent about it?
I found out years later, the truth about my parents, and it made me sad. it was not a great love story. She got pregnant and they got married. We all knew based on sister's birthday. But there was more to it, and I found out after he had passed and she was dying.
The feeling of how they got along or stayed because it was expected many years ago. I look at their wedding photos now and see dad had same look I imagine someone going to prison would have. I wish they could have been happy even if apart and I was never born. I do not blame either as the bad one or the victim because they made the choice to stay and endure together.
People make choices to marry and to stay even when things are bad. Some think it helps the kids instead it causes doubt and mistrust.
You are not alone, but you are the writer of your own story and how your relationships or marriage goes.
Sorry to hear that
I hoped it helped to share :) There was a lot of boasting within my family and relatives. A lot of put downs and they were all so smug, like I'm better than you and we all know it, blah blah..
Yes it knocked my confidence and made me question my worth but as I got older I thought one day I'll think better of myself and unlike them I will uplift people because I don't need to make people feel bad, in order to feel good, that's false confidence.
So I work on myself and hopefully improve people's moods. I just take it really slowly when talking to others, time reveals people's true natures