My moms health issues and overwhelm
I don't really make support type of posts, but I feel like this forum might be a good space where I can share whats going on and maybe even if I still won't have the solutions some people will understand maybe through experience too whats going on.
I'm 17 right now. Living in a boarding school mostly. My moms been having some serious health issues we don't know for sure whats going on but she has severe worsening chronic pain and frequent high blood pressure. Shes also slowly seems to rely on temporary painkillers more and more. And has no insurance.
We have a big family except it isn't really together. My dad works too and I kinda became the only one who could actually do something and the relatives kinda pressure me I should too. In my country emergency room visits are completely free with or without insurance. I'm trying to get her go to the ER, its in the same city where I study I'd go with her. But she doesn't really want anything.
I'm worried what will be, but on the other hand even if its selfish to say, I'm overwhelmed too. In my whole life its been a pattern that I had to get her take care of herself. And I'm not saying I don't want to do anything. I do, but I don't really know what. And I'm trying to build my little life too though it feels like the walls are only getting bigger, trying not to fail in school, manage myself too, and even to get back to school I had to fight, with my her and my dad. Real reason was their poor financial management. The fact I went back also feels and is selfish, but I'm in it since 3 years. This year and another one it would give me an official degree I can start a life with.
@emotionalMaple2436
Hugs. Maples, it is not selfish to go to school, to want to live your life. You obviously care about your mother but it sounds like your mother and your father are not ready to do what they need to get your mother the help she needs. You need to focus on what's in front of you with your schooling. Like you said, the emergency room visits are free. I understand that it is hard to see what is happening and to have people telling you that you need to be there. You already gave up enough time being there for your mother. You are not the parent, it's time to spread your wings.
We got her go to the ER somehow. No news since. Can't stop thinking about it.
@emotionalMaple2436
-hugs- I am glad you got her to go to the ER. no news is usually good news.
@Remina You were right, there are some good news. It was in the end a serious thing, kidney spasm. But they started treating it right there and idk even her voice sounds better now. I wish it could stay like this for longer now. In the last like 12 years, she is pretty medically complex and had a lot of stuff, everytime it ended with me having to get her go and take care of herself especially shes depressed too, since I was 5 so my life kinda become around keeping peace, managing others and especially myself. Not in a doing a lot of chores kind of way, but the if I don't lead nobody does and chaos stays there and grows. Just I reached this point turning 18 in a few months. I can't do both anymore.
I understand not being able to do it anymore. I’m glad that it was good news, even though it was serious, they were able to treat it. @emotionalMaple2436 it’s unfortunate that for your entire life basically you have felt responsible for your mother’s health. I hope with turning 18 and getting some independence, you’re able to set boundaries that are comfortable for you.
Please come down, my greate empty for that my dear, I pray God will handle the issues right, I pray. O my this is empty, please come down right
I'm really sorry you're going through all of this. ❤️ It sounds like you're carrying so much worry about your mom while also trying to keep up with school, protect your future, and manage your own emotions. That's a lot for anyone to handle, especially at 17.
I want you to know that choosing to continue your education and build a life for yourself is not selfish. You deserve a future, too. You can love your mom deeply and want her to get better while still feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure of what to do. Those feelings don't mean you don't care about her. They mean you're human, and you've been trying to carry a heavy responsibility for a long time.
It must be especially difficult when relatives put pressure on you to take action, as though everything depends on you. But your mom's health and the decisions she makes are not yours to manage all alone. You can encourage her to seek medical care and offer to accompany her, but you also deserve support from other adults in your family or community. You shouldn't have to be the only person trying to hold everything together.
I'm glad you're speaking about this instead of keeping it all inside. You don't need to have all the answers right now, and you don't have to solve everything in one day. Your education and your own well-being matter, too.
Because you mentioned that your mom's pain is worsening and she has frequent high blood pressure, I hope she can get medical attention as soon as possible. If she has severe chest pain, trouble breathing, sudden weakness, confusion, or a severe headache with very high blood pressure, please seek emergency help immediately.
Can I ask you something? With everything you've been carrying, do you feel there's anyone in your life who genuinely supports you and asks how you're doing, rather than only expecting you to take care of your mom? ❤️
@PrezoCares my therapist, rarely though because we hardly manage to scheldule sessions. And my best friend. Tho I didn't really tell her this one thing. She supported me when I was fighting for my schooling in the first place. I don't want to put the whole thing on her. She already did a lot, without her I probably couldn't have got through that time and also stay sane😅
I thought it can stay okay for longer. But I come home yesterday to that something is still bad and it still reappers. I dont think they could've missed a lot though and her results werent extremely bad either. I don't know anything at this point.
@emotionalMaple2436
That sounds so stressful, Maple. I am sorry that your mother still isn't doing so well. -hugs- This is not on you.