Spouse of Bipolar and Substance Abuser
My husband has been unmedicated bipolar our entire 5-year marriage. We have two kids. I held everything together privately until he had a public psychotic episode on Thanksgiving, along with substance abuse. He went to rehab, came home, and for a moment it felt like I had my husband back—but it didn’t last.
He’s now left, moved away, and says he’s “clear-headed” despite no therapy or AA. He blames me for 80% of our issues and shows no emotion toward me. I feel completely drained and disconnected from myself.
I’m questioning everything—was this bipolar, or did he never love me? The man I knew always did. Is this an episode? And if it is… do I walk away?
I’m in so much pain and confusion.
@sensitiveCoconut4152 I'm so sorry you're going through all this. But if I may-- how he feels about you or behaves towards you should be separate from how you feel about yourself. Please don't let this dwell in your heart and color your world.
Whether your husband struggles with bipolar or whether he actually ever loved you, what would this change? Really think how and what would change? You're husband is struggling mentally and emotionally right now. You've got to know that this has nothing to do with you! The people we love the most do tend to be the ones to hurt us the most. I don't know the dynamics of your family life and marriage and I'm just a stranger to you, but what I do know is that you are not the reason for 80% of y'alls issues! What he's doing is common. He's using you as a scapegoat and wants someone to blame. It's easier than accepting accountability. This is not about you. Please know this.
Wanting to know whether to walk away is something only you can decide. Dig deep and ask yourself what you're willing to tolerate. In those years of marriage, you should know your husband. The him that may hide from the world. Hopefully you can tell what parts of him are truly him ❤️ versus the parts where he's influenced by the struggles of mental health or substance abuse. All you can do is try and be there for him. Advocate for him. Fight for your marriage if this is what you desire. Just keep trying. But know there's a difference between this and just being downright disrespected. What can you handle? Don't let things fester until you break.
And for you to hold everything together privately-- wow! That's tough. I can't imagine the strength you possess to be able to do this. I believe bottling it up isn't healthy. It's ok for you to seek support too about what you're going through. You don't always have to be the one to have it together for the sake of others. I truly wish things get better for you and your family! Take care!