advice for working w DCF children

@Lovelyrose62

Welcome and good luck in your new position. The fact that you asked these questions already tells me that you will be a great person for this job, you already have empathy, a desire to do your best, to put the kids first and a big heart. What these kids need is trust, honesty, care, kindness and someone who advocates for their every need and gives them a voice 💜🥰

@Lovelyrose62

Hi LovelyRose! 

My name is Lisa. I can answer probably whatever questions you can come up with 😊 here is a little bit of my background: former foster youth, adoptee, former foster parent, former guardian, adoptive parent to kin, former CPS investigator, former treatment foster care licensing worker, former adoptions investigator, private detective who does independent child welfare investigations, and social worker. 

First I think it’s amazing that you came to see some guidance and support for working with this vulnerable population. It shows true commitment to children and is extremely trauma informed. 

Working in child welfare plus my specific lived experience I can tell you that children who will end up in an emergency home will most likely be terrified (depending on age). Older children will often be angry and may not be receptive to being at the emergency home at all. Toddlers and babies typically adjust quickly just due to their age and lack of understanding of what is happening. 

Overall children who are removed from their home begin to experience a wide range of emotions and have questions (you won’t have answers too) such as fear, anxiety, abandonment, depression, anger, not knowing what is happening, wanting to see their parents, wanting to know when they will see their parents. All of what they are feeling and experiencing is extremely valid. Being ripped away from your home and the only people you know and placed in a strange house with strange people is scary. Often children blame themselves for why they are in out of home care and believe it is because they are “bad” or they did something “bad”. Statistically speaking studies have shown that children actually suffer less trauma when they remain in their abused and neglected homes versus placed in out of home care. So most likely you will be experiencing children in crisis although it may not look like it. A lot of children put on good fronts and act like everything is ok and act like they are strong but I promise they aren’t. 

The best thing you can do for them is to get down to their level and talk with them. Don’t lie to them if you don’t know the answer to a question. For example “when can I see mommy?” “That is a great question Johnny, I don’t know the answer to that but as soon as I find out I will let you know”. Don’t make false promises to them to make them feel better. Ask them about their bedtime routine or things that help keep them on a routine at their home. You want to try to maintain as much normalcy as possible. If it is within your power to request certain items for the children from their home keep a list of important items if they mention them; blanket, stuffed animal, moms sweater, a pillow, etc. DO NOT wash anything of theirs without their permission, even if it smells. It might smell to you but to them it might smell like their mom and be comforting to them. If they don’t want to talk let them be silent. But you keep talking. Talk to them about your favorite color while coloring, about characters in a movie or a show, ask them an occasional question and give them an opportunity to respond. If not tell them it’s ok if they don’t want to talk and they can just listen if want. Kids LOVE funny animal videos I promise. 

Overall just be genuine. Kids know if you’re being disingenuous and can sense if you’re a safe person to be around. DO NOT ask them about their removal unless it is within the scope of your job. But DO listen if they freely talk about it. Also have lots of snacks and juices boxes. 

Please feel free to ask me anything else! I am always supportive to anyone who wants to learn about how to best support children in out of home care and be trauma informed. Your job will have its hard days, feel free to come to me if you need a safe space for a sounding board. 💜