As a question that I'm asking for my future self: How do you receive care and not feel guilty?
So, as someone with cerebral palsy who is still independent, I do not have any worries for now. However, as CP often worsens with age (as mine has), this topic's question will. I feel, inevitably become relevant for me and towards me.
Obviously caregiver burnout is a thing, and it's not even remotely easy for those who have to live with the condition that requires caring to begin with.
However, for those who are on the receiving end of this relationship, what are your tips for my future self in regards to not feeling guilty or like a burden? Obviously, I intellectually know (and feel) that no one *is* a burden, of course. But what my own psyche might tell me is another matter, altogether.
@sereneSunset26
Hey there!
I understand your question being from a future perspective. It makes sense to me to ask such a question. While I do not have CP, or related condition, I think I can relate on a level of getting older. Think there may come a time for us all that we may need to depend on someone else as a caregiver.
If I understand your question is: How to receive care without feeling guilty for receiving?
I can only speak from my, short term, experience with having someone else take care of me when I couldn't do things for myself. First, I made sure that I expressed my appreciation to them for giving their time and energy to take care of me. Sometimes words are all that we have to give to someone else, so using words of kindness can touch them greatly. Second, I do as much for myself as I am able to lessen what is needed from someone else to do. For example, I can listen to audio books or watch TV to occupy myself and give them a break from attending to me. Lastly, I made peace with myself that "it is what it is". I didn't choose to need help, it is just part of life for me. I treat those who have cared for me with gratitude and respect, and try to be a pleasant patient to them. I was able to find the grace to accept what I could not change. I think that feeling guilty comes from feeling that we could have / should have done something differently but didn't. Needing help is often not something that we choose, it's something that we have to accept with as much kindness and grace as possible.
I hope something here has helped 💜
~ Sher
@Sher217
Sher,
Thank you so much for thoughtful reply that was and is honestly full of so much wisdom and experience. <3
I suppose it is good news for me that my personality is naturally giving and thankful. Due to the cerebral palsy, and people helping me throughout my life (just with things here & there), I've been all too aware that my life has been made even just a little bit easier due to the generosity of others.
In particular, you made a great point that I had not considered - that for those of us in these needful situations, it's not as if we brought the need for that kind of help upon ourselves. I think that in itself will provide solace to me as I age.
Thank you again, so much. :)
@sereneSunset26
I'm really glad that you found something helpful to you! 😊 Please feel free to join in the Family posts or PM me sometime just to chat. I think that would be nice!
~ Sher
Create a meaningful relationship with the person taking care of you - a friendship- share your lives. Talk about your life, do activities together that you can enjoy, remember they are employed to do what they do so you are a gift to them to have a job that they really love. Just treat them like a human and hopefully they will do the same to you.
they understand what they signed up for if it’s a live in nurse or something
and if it’s a friend or family - they want to help in anyway they can because they care about you but often times people don’t know how to help.
@warmheartedPlace887
You made a couple really good points that I had not considered while potentially being on the receiving end of increased care. One is what you said regarding creating a meaningful relationship with the caregiver. Of course, it had occurred to me to be polite and grateful, but it seems like going a step further with the relationship would be very mutually beneficial.
Your second point was just as good. I also had not considered the "job" aspect of it all. In that, this is really want some people do (and presumably in most cases) want to do for a living. That kind of mutual gratitude (along with the relationship) could be a pretty powerful thing :)
Thank you for your reply!
Show gratitude and affection in whatever ways you know how.
it can be both draining and gratifying to take care of someone even if you want to do it with good intentions.
Any type of showing of appreciation in whatever way you know how weather it’s financial- like a gift card to their favorite restaurant or kind words and compliments or surprise flower delivery - any small acts of kindness that you can show that you appreciate all they do for you - is good.
they want to feel like they are valued and appreciated as do you.
they want to feel like what they are doing matters to you.
@warmheartedPlace887
As to your earlier post, yeah, gratitude is so vital--especially in the context of this kind of a relationship. I feel you also make a great point in that there are some dynamics in this life (such as caregiving) that can be simultaneously fulfilling, yet draining.
I agree that a little bit of acknowledgement (in whatever form) goes a long way. Speaking from experience, when I feel seen, it seems to alleviate a lot of that burned-out kind of feeling. Not that I necessarily need the validation or compliment, but as you said, it's just a healthy thing to do that shows gratitude. :)
Thank you again for your responses!