In need of a miracle
I quit my job a few months ago to take care of my grandmother who has an incurable cancer. Ever since we found out, I've felt like I'm trapped in a nightmare. For the longest I didn't want to accept it and then something would happen-would keep happening!- and I'd just be devastated over and over again. In the beginning everything felt so hopeless. The doctors never had anything good to say. It was so bad that we had to switch doctors because it felt like they were giving up on her and it's good that we did because we found doctors willing to try but even then they couldn't give us any good news. I just kept waiting and hoping then falling apart every time we got more bad news. I started to feel like my mind snapped and I couldn't breath but I wasn't willing to give up and thankfully my grandmother wasn't either. Despite what everyone expected she has gotten SO MUCH BETTER. Doesn't even look like the same person when this whole thing stated. I stared to feel confident and I got comfortable. I started feeling safe. I wasn't scared every second of the day. I was sleeping again. Even thinking I could do a part time job because not working has not been nice to my bank account. But then something bad happened again. For a couple days she started looking like she did before and I felt my heart stop. I was that scared crying soul again just beginning the universe not to put her through this again. Let her just get better. She just got some scans so we are waiting for her results but I'm not sure I can take it if it's not good news. If there isn't a breakthrough after all of this? I just can't.
@fearlessSpring5657
Hey fearless, thats a rollercoaster. Really feel for you and your grandmother. Cancer or any serious illness/disease is not something any of us have been prepared for confronting. But it sounds like you have confronted it - making so many changes to your life and constantly fighting for your grandmother.
Whatever happens, she knows what you've done for her and how much love you have for her. In this life, all we can do is try. I truly hope she recovers. Whatever happens, the community here will be there for you.
@fearlessSpring5657
I can't imagine how hard it's been for you, as a caregiver, to see her go through her go through all of this. She's lucky to have you by her side to see her through. I think you are incredibly brave. You've been there through the really bad times, found her another doctor that you both feel comfortable with, and you have supported her through the good times too. I can understand how going through all this with her has been anxiety provoking. Especially now, since she isn't looking as well as she did not so long ago. I can feel your devastation reading your story. I hope you get a miracle but it sounds like you are preparing yourself for bad news, as well, while you wait for the results of her most recent scan. I am sorry you've been emotionally battered by all that is happening. Please know we are here for you to listen and offer our support. Sending best wishes and peace to you.