Sister’s mental health vs mine
My sister has had declining mental health for years. I was 12 when it first started. She has explosive anger and breakdowns that I can’t keep up with because she needs support in different ways and is non communicative. Her most recent diagnosis is Autism, ADHD, depression, and anxiety. She can lash out physically at these times too. This type of anger runs in the family so I’m relatively well equipped now to navigate their situation. However recently she’s gotten much worse. It seems each new diagnosis justifies her behavior in her head and bolsters her reactivity. Today was my last day before college and I just left an intensive study program so I’ve been stretched thin but I rearranged my schedule to go out to lunch with her and my family. She decided to bring her service dog whom I haven’t seen in months and was not trained at all upon seeing last. She cried and ignored me the whole car ride when I tried to ask if she wasn’t prepared to go to the restaurant or if she didn’t want to go but this is a relatively typical interaction. We sat down fine and my father asked if he should watch the dog while she went to the buffet. She had a full meltdown with screaming and crying and everything. Mind you, she’s a nearly 21 year old woman so the entire restaurant was staring. I have social anxiety, which I have worked very hard to get under control but between the dog and her actions I was freaking out. I tried to voice that I wasn’t comfortable to my mother and she told me to deal with it. We ended up leaving the restaurant without eating. I tipped the waiter anyway because I felt so horrible. I feel like a horrible person for being angry at her but I don’t know what’s happening with her and I don’t agree with her diagnosis because I grew up with her and autism doesn’t manifest at 21. Not only that but I didn’t even matter because her emotions were the only thing that existed. I don’t know if I can handle the whole service dog thing and I’m really uncomfortable all the time but don’t know how to tell her. It seems like my anxiety doesn’t mean anything anymore because I worked hard on it. I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions/perspectives?
@PorcupineRay Everybody’s mental health is very important. Specially for our family. If our family has mental health problems we need to help them.
Hello there, @PorcupineRay :)
I have to say, I feel you. I feel for you and your situation. Believe it or not, we are in a similar situation so I know first-hand how you feel and how difficult it is.
I understand the questions: aren't my parents aware that they have another kid? Why is it that the only one who matters is my sister? What about me, I'm their kid, too.
Why is she being very difficult when all her needs are being catered to and provided for? Why is it that no matter how much I try, none of my efforts matters because she reacts negatively to everything? And yet, why are her negative behaviours tolerated and excused?
I also understand the feeling of loneliness: the feeling of being alone all the time, not having people to share your problems with because you don't want to bother them when we all know they have issues of their own, too. The isolation, the small amounts of shame here and there, and the hurt.
I understand the hunger for care and attention; the need to be heard, seen, and acknowledged. That innate thirst for validation that your struggles are also important. That your trials are also valid.
I send you hugs! <3
So how did I cope? I made sure to strengthen my core. By core, I meant my soul, my heart, and my mind. I made sure to remind myself that my value isn't dependent on how people treat me. That my worth as a person isn't reflected by my environment. These are external factors. What matters is that I know who I am, I love my family, and I will prioritize myself and my needs.
You are remarkable. You are amazing. You are magical <3 I hope you never forget that :)
