How to Find New Friends both Online & IRL
I’ve been having trouble with loneliness lately. When I’m totally alone, I don’t feel alone. I don’t have any friends due to social anxiety; I’m absolutely terrified of rejection. My main social interaction is with my coworkers, but I have approximately 0 things in common with them, and it makes me feel very alone. I’ve tried showing interest in their interests, but the 0 reciprocation I get in return for my interests makes it an extremely depressing experience that’s really ruining my quality of life.
Obviously, my coworkers aren’t worth the trouble if they show complete disinterest in me, but how do I find other people with like interests? Because of my social anxiety, I avoid social media because it’s basically concentrated nightmare-fuel for me. I tried a creative writing/roleplaying server on ***, but I completely drowned in social anxiety before I could get off the ground there (there were also some really weird rules there that I couldn’t get past anyway).
I like artsy/nerdy stuff in general, but I especially like rpg and platforming video games, model building, and original characters/story-building. I’m not unique in my interests, and these subjects tend to have large communities, but how on earth do I find them?
@FrostFeather
Hey, I just want to start by saying this I hear you. And I mean really hear you.
What you're going through is real and painful, and you're not broken or weird for feeling this way. Social anxiety can make even the smallest steps feel like climbing a mountain barefoot in a storm. The loneliness you’re experiencing isn’t because there’s something wrong with you it’s because you haven’t yet found people who make you feel safe enough to just be yourself. And that’s not your fault. The fact that you've tried even through the anxiety to connect with people, to meet them halfway, to show interest in their world… that shows strength. Quiet, uncelebrated strength and yes, it stings deeply when that effort isn’t returned, especially when you’re already putting in more than most people realize. You deserve reciprocal kindness, curiosity, and connection not this one-sidedness that makes you feel invisible. It’s okay that big servers or social media spaces feel overwhelming. That doesn’t mean you’re not meant to find community it just means your path might look a little different. Smaller, slower, safer steps. Maybe it’s a tiny *** with 20 people rather than 2000. Maybe it’s an email-based creative group or a forum with relaxed vibes where people respond at their own pace. Maybe it’s even a solo dev journal where others slowly trickle in because they see your passion. Your love for storytelling, RPGs, world-building those are powerful threads of connection. You are absolutely not alone in those passions, even if it feels like it right now. You don’t need to be extroverted, loud, or “cured” of anxiety to belong somewhere. You just need the right fit a corner of the internet or the world that says, “You don’t have to pretend here. Come as you are and I promise, that place exists. It may take time. But it’s not too late. You’re not too much. And you are not alone in how you feel, even though I know it deeply feels that way. You deserve connection that feels warm, steady, and safe and I believe, truly, that you’ll find it.
Until then, I’m proud of you for still being open to trying, even after how heavy this has felt. That’s not small that’s courage in its rawest form.
I just want to say I hear you as well.
I work from home due to my anxiety. In person communication only stresses me out. But that means that I don't even speak to co-workers much outside of work meetings.
I'm not too bad with total strangers because it's low risk, I'll probably never see them again. But to actually 'connect' with people is terrifying.
I have no words of advice, all I can do is offer the cliche, you're not the only one that feels this way.
@FosterFeather
Welcome to 7 Cups, and you are not alone here.
I have put in 25 years service for the same company and have 1 true friend to show for it. I am a manager of 5 and barely interact with them, we have nothing I common so, there is nothing outside of work to talk about.
Social Anxiety can really get in the way of making friends IRL. I have also lived in the same house for 26 years and barely talk to my neighbours, if it weren't for my wife I'd never talk to them. 😬 I don't consider them to be REAL Friends
I understand about social media, I don't have a presence on line. I'm on a couple of local classic car forums but never go to any meet ups.
