I read my bestfriend's personal chats. I confessed my mistake. Now she won't talk to me.
I am a male of 24 years and my bestfriend is a female. We have known eachother for almost 10 years now. I recently had access to her *** account and read her personal chats. I felt guilty and told her what i had done. She was devastated and felt betrayed. She says that i was the cause of many problems in her previous relationships but the matter of fact is that we can rarely ever meet or spend time together because we live in different cities. And such has been the case for the last 10 years. The only way we can communicate is on face time or WhatsApp.
She doesn't even want to talk to me or look at my face again. I literally have no other friends besides her and i am all alone in a family that doesn't understand me and who I don't emotionally relate to.
I realise that i have invaded her privacy and broken her trust but i feel guilty for doing so and i have NEVER done such a thing before this. How can I fix this? I genuinely care for her and consider her the closest human to me. For me she is like a part of my family but she said i disgust her.
What can I do to stop hurting? Can I fix this? If yes, how? If no, how should I accept the fact and move on?
I can't afford therapy.
Open to suggestions.
1st of you need to give her time to process what you had done to her yes she feels very invaded and she is angry right now she'll come around but you need to understand that wasn't pk to do that as anyone doesn't want their privacy invaded
.we all make mistakes we're all human beings but it's important to show her trust and compassion and show her by not doing something like that again
Let her come to you
I understand. I do feel guilty for my actions and i do realise the wrongs i have done. I want to prove her that i can be a better person. That i can improve. I just need a second chance. I do hope she comes around. She is too valuable for me as a friend and as a person.
That's great to hear! That's a huge step and very responsible of you to acknowledge that! Proud of you!
I've been in her shoes before I totally understand how she feels its not a pleasant feeling to go through. Its like having a hard punch in the gut feeling that someone that close to you wound do something to you and not feel like you can open up to you again
Hope she does come around for you
@lowkeysmokeydo
i guess it is very common but i do not see why so many seem to want to snope through phones or read others emails/ messages or even journals ..... i would hate to have to have 2 item verification for everything if spouse would want go into stuff ......
she may not have connected with other people emotionally cause she had that with you.... and she may have felt you were the only person she could trust
True! And i did break her trust. I just hope that i get a chance to fix it again.
@lowkeysmokeydo,
give her time by giving her space.
Already on it!
@lowkeysmokeydo , You made a mistake. But at least you owned up to it. I think it is best to yk, give her a little space. She is obviously upset, but she has a right to be. I would be upset if this happend to me. But the way you talk about her in the post, I can tell you are genuinlly sorry. Long distance friendships suck. The communication is so limited. But, you can still try your best and apologize. Let her know how much she means to you and let her know that what you did was not ok. COMMUNICATION is so so important. Dont go begging and asking her to take you back as a friend. Let her know that you are willing to take a step back and give her the time she needs to process this. This could be the end of the friendship, you never know. And if it is at least you know not to do this in future friendships. You learned that going through others private conversations is wrong. Just take this as a lesson. I hope you are able to resolve this issue. Remember to always think things through and ask yourself if what your doing is wrong or not. I am no therapist but I hope this does give you an idea on how to handle this. :)
I appreciate the reply. And yes it does! Thankyou :)
OK, but why did you go through her personal chats to begin with? If you know that was the wrong thing to do and feel guilty about it now, what compelled you to do that in the first place? And if she meant so much to you, and if you truly respected her, then why violate the friendship in that way?
No one is “entitled” to forgiveness. When we wrong another person, only they can decide if they choose to forgive us for our actions or not. Even if they decide they will -never-forgive our actions; and want to hold it against us for the rest of our lives, that’s their choice to make. There was a time where you might have acted differently, where you might have chosen not to do the action that caused all of this .. but now that it’s done all you can do is take full ownership of your wrongdoing and hope she finds it in her heart to forgive you. But one thing that will not bring her closer to that decision is if you make this about *your* hurt and *your* own unhappiness and *your* own guilt.
Maybe there is a lesson in friendship here, if you only reflect upon it you might be better for it.
CatsInTheCradle
I am not saying that i didn't make a mistake. I am taking full ownership of what i did. The reason i talk about my guilt is because that all i can do in the moment. I have apologized, i have accepted my mistake and my flaws and my insecurities that lead me to make the mistake that i did. If you see the last few lines of my original post you'll know that i am asking what can I do to fix the situation. Because that's really the only thing in my control. MY actions.
I do understand that no one is entitled to forgiveness and whether to forgive me or not is her decision entirely. I have told her that it is absolutely fine if she doesn't want to forgive me and not speak to me for the rest of her life. I guess the original post was more of a confession of my wrongdoings that maybe a way to get suggestions on what should I do to fix my mistakes because i guess i was completely lost and desperate to 'fix' the situation and a bunch of people answered that i should give her, her space. Which had been done already. I realise that i have caused her a great deal of pain and to be honest i am ready to apologise for it for the rest of my life if i have to. All i can do now is just wait and pray that she can find it in her heart to forgive me.
All i can do from here on out is try to be a better person and improve upon my mistakes and flaws.
@lowkeysmokeydo,
you made a mistake, violated her space. I have been there too, done the same.
It happens. Sometimes we get insecure, concerned, scared, whatever, and act on emotion impulses.
There is no excuse to do so and it is understandable too.
You own your mistake what says a lot about you.
I hope she can forgive, and anyway, you learned a valuables lesson and took that lesson aboard.
There is nothing you can do to fix this. All you can do is leave her alone. And she might or might not reach out one day.
Credits to you for admitting and owning your mistake and doing self work.
That is not easy, confronting yourself. Not many people can do that. Not everyone can keep their actions with themselves.
