Tired of having friends the older I get.
I’ll be 32 next month and at this point in my life I don’t have any solid friendships anymore. I had a solid group of friends near the end of high school, in college, and post-college up until maybe this past year or two.
I had a fall out with two of my friends and the rest we just all went different directions. Sometimes I miss the memories with those former friends, but they aren’t people I’d choose to reconnect with ever again.
The people I’d consider to be friends with still today, I’m getting tired of maintaining connections with. I’ve seemed to attract the ones who always have A LOT to talk about with their own lives or who radiate negativity and while I’ve always been a huge listener and empathizer, I’m sick of it. Because after I sit here and take genuine interest in their lives, I share what’s going on in my life or bring up topics of conversation and all I get is head nods or two word answers of confirmation or no response at all if it happens to be through text. I truly feel like I’m just existing as other people’s therapist or even just something to fill their own void.
I’m an introvert and very much thrive best in my own company. If I’m being truly honest, if I never spoke again to any one of the friends who are still semi-around in my life, I would not even care. That’s the point I’ve reached. It’s just become too exhausting dealing with selfish people.
I have no desire to find new friends. No one has ever found me attractive so I’ve never been on a single date ever and thus have never been in a relationship. I’ve come to terms with being alone and deep down, if it’s just me and my dog at some point, I’ll be totally okay with it.
Anyone else going through something similar? As humans, I know social connection is important, but I just don’t care for it anymore.
@turquoise21
I believe what you are talking about might be a matter of imbalance you have noticed between your best efforts to be a good friend and your disappointment about having a friend. And maybe that is also a time when you redefine your definition of friendship.
Whenever you would like your to ask your friends a direct question like: "What do you think about it?", "How would you feel in my shoes?" or "What do you think I should do?", what is their reaction?
When we are 20+ maybe it's more about spontaneity and experimenting, but when we grow older we might be more aware of the fact what kind of friendship or relationship we might really need.
And, yes, I agree, being someone's either "therapist", or friend, even if some way similar, are not the same thing. I think friendship is more about giving AND receiving somebody's support and presence. Having someone who "catches you when you fall", not only expecting this from you.
Your feeling good spending your time with just yourself (and your dog) also sounds great to me, as long as it's about enjoying your own company, not a matter of disappointment and isolation. If you often met people who tended to be self-concentrated, I think it can be a kind of detoxication, too, and starting over with a new, clean sheet of paper.
@jacek73 Thank you so much for your response. It truly means a lot. I like your suggestion of asking direct questions after I speak on a topic with a friend to see how they respond. I think that could help a lot to see if they’re more receptive and responsive to what I have to say.