Best friend invited a new person to our core friend group
My friend core group is basically me and two of my friends. One is extremely introverted like me and the other one is a ambivert. So the friend that is a ambivert, usually she would invite new people from a game we play together that she plays with if they feel they would vibe well with us two. Most of the time I'm down to meet the new people she introduces to our friend core group, but I don't get too close to them because I don't vibe extremely well with them, but I try my best to vibe with them so everyone is having a great time.
But this time, this new person she invited to our group was someone that really stresses me out. They're extremely extroverted, constantly asking personal questions, doesn't has boundaries, doesn't understand personal space, constantly talking when all of us want a low energy space just to relax and chill and they are still be loud. This person even asked super personal questions that made me extremely uncomfortable. I just want a safe space with my core friend group like before where it was like neutral to low energy vibes, and not constant high energy from this new person. This new person also says a lot of NSFW things and really uncomfortable and out of pocket things which I really don't vibe and feel comfortable with.
Though I can't be selfish, it's asking too much just to spend time with my two best friends when they want to make new friends, and I can't restrict them like that, it wouldn't be fair to them. I'm aware this is a insecurity and jealously in some parts, and I try my best to ground myself and journal and process the emotions so they don't get too out of hand.
Despite that, I still try to join the voice call with them as much as I can, because I love spending time with my best friends, but this new person really stresses me out. and now I'm also fearing because I'm not joining the voice calls as much, this new person is going to replace me. I know that's not the case, but I'm still scared, because we had this inside joke with my best friends where I was like the favorite child of the group, but now this new person is the favorite child of the group.
Last night was the last straw, I had to completely leave the call because this new person was overstimulating me too much and I can't handle them. But now I'm just stuck idk what to do, I want to spend time with my best friends, but this new person just stresses me out everytime they speak. I just want a safe space like the same dynamic we had in our friend group like before. ;_;
@rinniechan
I'm sorry they stress you out so much 🥺
You deserve to spend some time with your friends but also to preserve your energy and keep boundaries, especially if you feel uncomfortable 💚
@Amanda84
Thank you so much for the hugs ;_; I'm just hoping this storm passes soon and I can spend quality time with my best friends without feeling this stressed soon ;w;
@rinniechan
Sorry to hear you're dealing with this!
I've been on the other side of it before, where I and others tried to add someone new to a friend group but didn't realize in the moment that not all of those friends were vibing with the new person. I got carried away because I wanted all my friends to be friends with each other, but sometimes life doesn't work out that way and you can't force it. It doesn't make you bad or wrong for not getting on with the new person.
It might be time to have a conversation with your friends separate from the new person and tell them how you feel. They could be completely oblivious like I was, or they might even be uncomfortable themselves by some of the behavior but have a hard time speaking up about it assuming you like them or not wanting to hurt the newbie's feelings. Express that you don't want to come off jealous or tell them who they can and can't hang out with, and that it's not a judgment on the person's character, but that some of the newbie's behavior makes you uncomfortable and you need time to hang out with them separately to keep feeling close in your friendship. I wish someone had told me that at the time so I could be a better friend and establish better boundaries, instead of the older friends feeling like they had to quietly sit on it and growing more distant because they didn't want to hurt anyone or come off rude.
Sometimes too, your gut is right in the end. That new friend ended up really hurting me and others, and the people who didn't bond with them at the start saw a lot of red flags that I could not at the time because the new person was outwardly nice, funny, and charismatic. I'm not saying that will happen to you but if it does end up that way your friends might be thankful for the foresight.