Dislike of Specific Subset of People - Part 1

To be honest even though these people aren’t all bad, I really don’t like people with autism, ADHD, OCD, etc, which I’ve determined as neurodivergent conditions when I’ve researched psychology and will classify as such in this post and separate ones for the sake of length. Please don’t take this as a chance to compare my behavior to a condition or start debates over these diagnoses and their outcomes even if you think that’s helpful. Loved ones and past forums have done this and it’s squashed my interest in getting medical help of any kind.

In this post I’m going to cover the main reason I’m bringing this up, which has caused me the greatest distress. There was a boy in my Scout troop, named C, who had a bad case of ADHD that caused impulsive behavior and required many medications. Before things went south with him I enjoyed his company. But he made a fresh new Scout cry with his mean words. The last occasion I spoke to C was on a backpacking trip with my troop. He was already on edge because he went with us while his family were busy moving to another state. But this was different since he was 15 and his parents weren’t reminding him to take meds. The worst came when we climbed the area’s tallest peak a few days after an incident where my troop came to a campsite one night and C threw a pan at someone else in an argument, requiring my dad to step in. The hike up this mountain began with him showing a horrible mood all morning and slowing down movement on the trail after he refused his meds. Then at the base of the mountain, he threw a tantrum where he pitched a map to the ground when asked which trail was correct. I tried to intervene as the youth leader on this trip, known as the “Crew Chief”. C told me to shut up, which was a phrase that is equivalent to an angry use of the F-word now. I got triggered and demanded that he would not say that. But he pushed me off a steep, rocky cliff. At least another Scout tackled C to the ground when he attempted to escape. The resulting wound was sewn up by my general surgeon father because it was superficial, but it has left me with a terrible worry that I will have brain cancer, Alzheimer’s, etc even though I never lost consciousness. I also can’t touch that area when I itch because it’s traumatic to do so. All because of the actions of someone who used their ADHD/neurodiverse diagnosis as an excuse and my stupidity to handle that behavior because people often expected emotional perfection from me when I was growing up. But we all climbed the peak because my fellow troop members rallied around me, hugged me, and told me they loved me. When we came out of the wilderness before returning home, C tried to cover this up while talking to his parents on the phone, claiming he just saw me fall on the rocks. But then my dad told the truth and demanded further discussion with C when we returned home. This never happened so my skin crawled with a friend request from C’s dad, another adult leader’s later offers to reconnect with that family, and a few Christmas cards from C’s family after they moved. Thankfully, I have since blocked C and his family and the requests from people to maintain friendship ended.

I stopped thinking about this incident for a few years until I developed mental health problems for unrelated reasons nearly 10 years after that, and realized people like C can’t be trusted. This has resurfaced when I have disclosed painful memories with mental health experts. My dad always asserted that this was all the fault of C and his parents’ enabling even if I came across as harsh. However, my dad contradicted himself when I sought mental health professionals 3 years ago and when he said he was baffled when I was a positive person but had a moment like this with C. This worsened with lies that I was punished by teachers in 8th grade over standing up to a boy with Tourette’s who randomly and regularly melt down to one of my dearest friends. As stated, this was untrue because teachers showed compassion to me and a principal I sought out helped me get space and cool down emotionally.

Thankfully I confronted my dad at the holidays this year and he apologized for making me feel traumatized over C and the boy with Tourette’s like he did 3 years ago. But this was after I started an ongoing yet incomplete discussion with my therapist over these moments. I also posted this on another site and got no responses like I’m too much to handle. Because I am. I will cover more instances of traumatizing or bad behavior from other neurodivergent people but this has been the main cause for me to be angry with this subset in general and my preference to avoid these people in dating, much less have kids with them to prevent someone as emotionally unbearable as myself to spread my problem genes, like Crohn’s disease, intergenerational trauma and tendencies toward depression. That standard has been criticized by my parents when I received unsolicited advice nearly 10 years ago in college to help people in such groups to combat depression-related laziness outside schoolwork and again when I have angrily resented the psychologist who screened me last year because she recommended dating apps for people with mental issues/neurodivergence. That’s because I’m imperfect with interpersonal relationships and this was included in doctors notes when I sought out treatment for depression that caused irritability and learned helplessness. I had delays in speech and sensory development that were treated like warning signs for autism but all of this fell short of an autism diagnosis. I still got help through school because of these initial concerns but it was obvious to everyone that I turned out fine socially and my senses developed normally when I got older except for my later internal stress.

Still, anything different in my personality like needing space over constant interaction, passion with facts, etc gets demonized, which hinders interest to seek new friends in my city or romance again. I have a good circle now and recently ditched the need for a spouse. But what makes matters worse is I saw C in a relationship on social media before I blocked him in 2020. He sure doesn’t deserve it and it further confirms that I’m unlovable myself.

How can I recover from this bad friendship with C? And also release this resentment with all of this time that has passed and possible danger of talking to C and his family again? Am I wrong and crazy because I fear people I’ve identified as neurodivergent as friends or lovers?