Expressing my exhaustion (choppy)

Not sure where to go. Came here. Can’t breathe normally. So it affects me. I just need to express myself. I can’t have a normal life, my parents are very oblivious, my elder sister resents me; those who are supposed to be my friends just always say the worst things. Who isn’t, mean or just oblivious? Can a person be wise and kind at the same time? I just want, my awful mother to leave me alone! Because right now, I struggle to steady my breathe. Little stuff, strains me physically and thus emotionally. Overall, I just feel like shouting and would love for someone to say it! “Please get, away, I don’t like you, or just no!” Nothing in another language. I’m exhausted and no one listens or can help me. And this come out choppy, as I struggle to control my breathing but need to express myself. Overall, I can’t help but be overcome by painful recent memories. And fear, running into them, I just want to scream get away or you are an awful person! Truly I don’t want to be Christian! It hasn’t helped me, but prevented me from asserting boundaries, when I needed someone to tell me it’s “okay to take a break,” how can one say to someone, he who doesn’t work, doesn’t eat!” I haven’t worked for a year, but still feel exhausted!” Tell me that! i don’t want to deal anymore with pushy people nor with foolish ones. I’ve exhausted myself, beyond repair, and want to scream for it to stop. The exhaustion and inability to be normal. Because that sleep and rest will never come; he’s not there.