Fear of losing online friends

I hate the fact that the person I love the most is only accessible through screen is are at different timezones from me. I already struggle with so much mistrust with everyone in my life and just the thought of losing him causes me physical pain

I have no other queer friends. I know I am an immature *** that needs to get a job. My dad thinks all my problems are caused from my internet use. That’s not completely true, it’s a distraction from all the pain accumulated through the years.

I’m scared. I feel like this friendship was doomed from the start. I don’t want to leave him behind. I know I can’t change people but I at least want to help him.

I wish people didn’t feel like a *** chore. I feel like I have to constantly wear a mask just to fit in. I’m exhausted. And now I feel forced to leave the one main reason that has been keeping me from offing myself just so I can function properly in a world that feels like it wants you dead