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brightAvocado4697
1 883 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2026 Member sinceNovember 6, 2025
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Recent forum posts
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I hate capitalism
Work & Career / by brightAvocado4697
Last post
 March 31st
...See more I hate myself for not being able to force myself to start working something, anything I hate my degree even if it’s well paying, everything takes too long to master, every job feels like the death of your soul surrounded with people you’re forced to like and pretend that doing the same thing for 8 hours under stress is normal. Yey I don’t have the self discipline to do freelance either. Everytime I look into something it would be potentially good, I have this huge aversion as it feels like chewing my own arm. Nothing interests me enough to make it a career that will make me happy I haven’t had a job since May last year. I tried relearning JavaScript but ended up such an aversion to it, I quit. I used to do 3d art but that job *** sucked, was badly paid and dead end. I feel like no matter what I will choose everyone will just judge me for not working in my degree. I have given up. I miss being a kid before I started school at all. I feared becoming an adult, before I had all these expectations of me and the constant stress of everything killed me internally
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How do I get unstuck?
Work & Career / by brightAvocado4697
Last post
 December 14th, 2025
...See more I feel guilty that I'm too scared to seek employment. I'm nearing 30. I barely graduated with a bachelor's in Computer Science through all that stress and suicidality and *** hate it. I worked as a 3d animator for 2 years and it went nowhere, let go in a mass layoff. I tried relearning web design for the past year but I got such an aversion. I feel like I hit a dead end. I feel like I was never meant for capitalism and all the anxieties and growing resentment for everything. I hate myself for not being able to force myself to at least try anymore. I try to relax but the though gnaws at the back of my mind. I never feel at ease.
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Internet addiction and online friends balance
Addiction Support / by brightAvocado4697
Last post
 December 9th, 2025
...See more I recognize I have a huge addiction on being on social media I am cutting down on stuff like YouTube and *** but one has been killing me deeply—an online friend I have known for 5years. It kills me that a person I care so much about is only available through a screen and divided because of timezone. I don’t have many people I feel so comfortable with, like I don’t have to pretend I’m someone I’m not just to fit in. I know I will have to get a job one day and that scares me. Not only I have no other way to get happiness without having to put so much effort, I will have time limited with him which scares me. I don’t want to abandon him, especially given he has no friends either and his life is ***. I want to help him so badly I’m scared. I feel like this friendship has been doomed from the start
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Fear of losing online friends
Friendship Support / by brightAvocado4697
Last post
 December 8th, 2025
...See more I hate the fact that the person I love the most is only accessible through screen is are at different timezones from me. I already struggle with so much mistrust with everyone in my life and just the thought of losing him causes me physical pain I have no other queer friends. I know I am an immature *** that needs to get a job. My dad thinks all my problems are caused from my internet use. That’s not completely true, it’s a distraction from all the pain accumulated through the years. I’m scared. I feel like this friendship was doomed from the start. I don’t want to leave him behind. I know I can’t change people but I at least want to help him. I wish people didn’t feel like a *** chore. I feel like I have to constantly wear a mask just to fit in. I’m exhausted. And now I feel forced to leave the one main reason that has been keeping me from offing myself just so I can function properly in a world that feels like it wants you dead
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