I feel like I ruin everything (mentions of alcohol, smoking and SH)
No matter how much I (M18) try, I never seem to keep a friendship, I'd admit Im sort of picky when it comes to friends, more so because its extremely rare to find people who like the same stuff I do
But when i do find them, they just leave me
Theres a very recent incident with my best and only friend (F18), she was venting about feelings of inadequacy, and like always I comforted her and assured her that those horrible feeling she has aren't true
And she just, left me on read
And its been like that for three days and I cant do this anymore
I hate it when she posts on her story about drinking, smoking and doing SH , and I feel even more hopeless when she lives in Argentina and I live in Mexico, theres absolutely nothing I can do to stop her
My words dont work, she just keeps hurting herself and I don't say anything anymore because its useless.
I promised to be by her side and when I showed up she was, shocked? She promised me she wouldn't leave me and I guess she hasn't but shes just ignoring me.
I just feel betrayed over and over again, people leave me over and over again, I dont understand what Im doing wrong, I stay loyal with people, I am empathetic, I am kind, I show up,I am a nice person, at least I think I am
Everyone always leaves me and I dont undestand why
I want to be with her, I want to help her feel better but she won't let me help her
I dont personally think she hates me, at least Id like to think she doesnt
I want to answer to her stories in a playfull manner but Im scared to death
I m so scared of driving her away, I'm so scared of being alone
Shes my only person, I need her
Im scared that, she hates me for helping her break up with her ex boyfriend
The boy who manipulated her, who dismissed her, who isolated her, who didn't appreciate her
I just want whats best for her
I can't wrap around my head that
His words matter more than mine, he just said "stop SH :c" and she did
I write paragraphs, and paragraphs about how much I appreciate her and love her and she just... ignores me
I love her so much, I just want her to be ok
I want her to be alright even if I het destroyed
I really want to act as if nothing happened
Im sorry I was clingy Im sorry
I can fix that I can change
I can change myself just dont leave me
You promised you wouldnt leave me
Please
I kept my promise cant you keep yours?
Please anwer, please
Anything
Awknoldege what happened
Stop ignoring me
Stop ignoring me
Stop ignoring me
I can be your dog, Ill be your dog just dont leave
Please I need you
Let me helo you like you helped me
Stop ignoring me
Im sorry I over think
I'm sorry for caring too much
I wanted to start apologizing but you ignored me
I wanted a more lighthearted start but you ignored me again
You just keep ignoring me
Did I ever mean amyhting
Why do i feel so bad whenever my friend get new friends? Shouldn't I feel happy?
Im just so envious
Why would you need anyone else? You are my only person why do you need new people? Are you bored?
Im sorry for overthinking, you are hurting so badly and make everything about myself...