Is it just me...
Hi all,
So I have a friend group (5 including me) and 4 of us are friends from highschool and 1 from college/university. I get along rlly well with 2 of them, like they were there for me when I was struggling and I feel like I can be myself with them. The 2 others, well one I've grown apart from and the other I've had problems with in the past (contradicting personalities and her playing a bit too much into my insecurities). But all this to say that I have a group of friends that we try to plan to do things together once and a while whether it be with the whole group or even in subgroups when one or two are not available.
Now my problem right now is that I graduate soon and I want to plan a trip to celebrate. Out of the 5 of us 2 of us are supposed to be graduating, 1 is doing an extra summer class and 2 are doing an extra year.
A few months ago I first brought up a trip I was thinking to another country across seas sort of thing. Like a last hurra before some of us enter the work force, but 2 said no right away and the 2 I'm close with had to say no due to other plans or family reasons. Even though I'm disappointed I totally get it and even for me financially it would be rough. So I bring up maybe a small weekend trip to a city nearby would be better and they agree but then again nothing concrete...
Now we're nearing grad and then end of exams and no one has said anything about a trip, so I asked again who would be interested in doing a long weekend in a Big City nearby. One says no due to classes, which I can understand. One is put of the country at the time (which I knew and I wish her an awesome trip). One said no since apparently her work will be busy and she can't take vacation during the summer. And one left me on read.
Like I don't know if I'm reading too much into this, but I try SO hard to organise and initiate stuff to do with my friends. Whether it be me saying "Hey, I'm on campus if anyone wants to meet between classes!" Or "Hey, I'm studying at a cafe dowtown or in town if anyone wants to study together!" Or even just sending life updates in the gc. Their responses are always so dry and lackluster. Every time they say no or just don't respond. The only one who responds is my friend who will be out of the country. And the other friend I get along with is the only one I've gone out with to catch up since our schedules truly never sync up.
I'm just tired of always putting the effort and almost always getting nothing from half the group. But I can't really let them GI since it's a group and I have no other friends to ask. I don't know what I'm doing wrong in this friendship. I thought I got better from before, but I'm just feeling really insecure about where I stand in the group.
If anyone has any advice on what I should do, or if you think I might've done something please let me know I honestly want this friendship to last, but I'm so tired of initiating things for nothing.
Thanks y'all.
Oh I feel this. I think you should keep them as friends butvalso keep looking for people who are active together. They will never join you in making plans because they aren't as passionate about them as you. I can't explain why people are like this but you are wasting your energy in people who clearly dont have the same plans as you. I think they are not willing to put the same enegy in the relationship as you and thats nothing you can change. And thas totally okay. They cannot meet all your expectations. And I hope you get to know people who appreciate your effort. Maybe plan the trip for another time when you found people to journey with you
Hey! Thanks for the reply. It makes me feel better that from an outside POV it still seems like they're not really into it either. So it's not just me lol.
I also spoke about this with my friend who knows about the situation, but will be out of the country and both of us have realised that there's 2 people who are becoming a bit toxic friends and who unintentionally ate making us feel worse about certain things. Since we both discussed it and went through the pros and cons of the relationship and it's impact on our mental health it helped me make a decision about what to do. I'm not sure if my friend is going to go through with it, but I'm going to try and go through the process of cutting them out of my close friends circle. I don't want to outright exclude them or be mean, but I'm not going to put in as much effort in my friendship with them than I do in other friendships. It will be hard since I've known them for almost a decade, but I think it's time and long overdue.
In terms of the trip i might just save up for a couple years and do a big trip with the friends who respect me and put in an effort. The countries and cities i want to go to aren't going anywhere!
I'll probably post some updates in the forum about how it goes, but wish me luck with doing this since I've never done it before!
Thanks again for taking an interest and for your advise!