I suck at making friends
I’m 17 y/o male, will be 18 just before Christmas.
As per the title, I’ve always been bad at making friends. I’ve had some really horrible experiences with friends and relationships and they’ve made me become very guarded over myself. I know deep down that whoever I regard as in my inner circle will be treated with pure respect and genuine affection because I wouldn’t have put them there if I didn’t care for them. The problem for me is I struggle to convince people I’m worth it because I really don’t want any repeats of my past experiences. I’d describe myself as very quiet unless I’m comfortable around the person, and then when I am, I am very outgoing and friendly because I love to socialise with people I label as worthy of my time (ie. Not likely to cause me the same issues I’ve had). Another problem with this is that I don’t find many people I think are going to be kind to me because they react to my spiky exterior negatively because I don’t give off a good presence either. I’m a very academic individual who enjoys talking to people and having a friendship/relationship where both people care deeply about the other for support. I also have a strong interest in sports. I don’t like posting things very often as I feel like I’m seeking out attention when I do, but I am posting because I want to make more friends, and I do want to find a special someone someday and I won’t do that with my current social situation. I spend most of my days studying for my A Levels in complete silence due to having no friends and it drives me up the walls. I was originally going to delete this app because I haven’t found any friends on here yet and I’ve had it for years intermittently but I thought I’d post this in the hope of some reply.
Sorry for rambling guys.
@powerfulTurtle367
I was just wondering, how have your conversations gone with the Listeners? There is a big group of dedicated Teen Listeners here. Do you enjoy those? Do you have any favorite Listeners?
The problem I find with listeners is they are auto assigned, I have no idea if they show any stake in my specific problems but I thought if I posted on a thread then anyone who actually knows what to say can speak up if they wish to do so.
@powerfulTurtle367
Good thinking. I like your perseverance.
I don’t exactly think it’s a positive step, but I’ve definitely become more of a realist as my life has gone on. If I met myself as a child I’d either be upset with how much of my personality has changed and how negative my views are, or my child self would be upset with what I’ve become as I’m a completely different person now that I’ve been exposed to real life and not optimism or fantasy.
@powerfulTurtle367
Hey sorry to hear you're going through this. I used to (and sometimes still do) struggle with making friends too.
You mention being outgoing and friendly with people you feel are worthy of your time - I wonder what's your relationship like with them? How did you start being friends?
I’m currently only friends with one person as the rest I had treated me badly, he is my only friend currently because he chose to stick up for me when the others were trying to put me down.
Hey,your still young and navagating life as a teenager,that can be somewhat difficult especially in this era we find ourselves in. Myself I always choose the wrong people to group myself in with. I know studying for your A levels is a highly stressing time also,give yourself some credit for reaching out,I kinda had to do the same I found myself posting on here feeling like a massive fool but people have been extremely kind. I feel for you mate I really do being a teenager is hard especially if you can't express yourself the way you would like to others but your still incredibly young. Being into sports there are so many ways you can make friends you just have to say fek it and make yourself visible to people and if some can't understand then that's their problem they aren't listening to that inner voice you have. You seem like a well adjusted teenager.you have to wade through the crap to find the good people this I've found out through experience.just always remember your worth getting to know and you will go through alot of this kinda feeling alot in life it's how you deal with it is what matters. Keep reaching out do the work first before you do and see if it's worth opening up to the groups and people first,join clubs and groups with like minded individuals as yourself and you will always find something to talk about,work on that spikey interior because that's a defence mechanism you've established to protect yourself from the pain that comes with rejection and broken relationships with people,I to have spent alot of time being a pretty spiky person but I realised it was stopping me from becoming the person that I really am.theres a quote I found years ago I try to remember when I to feel the way you do and it goes "The people who matter don't mind, and the people mind don't matter". Take care of yourself and good luck with the A levels buddy
Cheers mate, I really appreciate it