It all feels so mentally exhausting
I like to say I have friends, but I don't. I have people that I know. Or used to know because I've more or less just kinda of pulled away.
It's not that I don't want friends. I do, some days. But most days I just want to be left alone.
So, I know this is entirely my own doing.
I most likely have undiagnosed complex ptsd and I've let it bleed into every aspect of my life, especially when it comes to maintaining friendships. I've been with my partner for 5yrs, and I can tell that she can tell that this has been bothering me, despite the jokes I make about how antisocial I am. But I don't exactly have the motivation to do anything about. It just feels so mentally exhausting to feel like I have to comply with the typical dynamic of a friendship after so many people I've called friends have put me in extremely undesirable situations.
At this point in my life, it's like, no, I don't want to make plans to hang out. But here's a picture of my cat getting stuck inside of a White claw box I cut the sides off of for her to use as a tunnel.
Why is it so hard to find someone that is completely content with just texting to complain about our incompetent coworkers, or talking about how godawful trashy reality shows are but are easier to watch because they have no plot and take less brain cells, or someone who will find my collection of puppy teeth impressive and not creepy? (I work with dogs, this is my shiney rock collection)
But in all honesty, it's fine. I'm use to not having friends at this point. It's just part of my personality, like my perpetual exhaustion.
@r00kss
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Understandably, past experiences and potential undiagnosed complex PTSD have affected your friendships. But you will find someone who aligns perfectly with you, such as to find same community in real life of try to use social media. It's great that you have your partner for support, and I sincerely hope you will get better and better!
@r00kss I get you. I want friendship, but I want to be independent as well. I want to get things done without getting distracted by people and after a long day at work, I just want to relax. Sometimes I feel like some people are demanding with how many times you should spend time with them or please them so they'd like you. You'd have to drive to the city, be home late and spend more money than necessary. I'm amazed my fiance loves me and not bothered by my train of thought. I want a meaningful friendship where you support and listen to each other. Anyways, I think it's best we know who are real from fake friends. Let's focus our time bettering our lives and hope to meet some great people along the way.
@r00kss
I have mixed feelings about having friends. Some times i feel bad for not having friends but it is not that I feel lonely. Its more that having friends is some sort measurement of a persons value. I feel like i have no value because i have no friends.
In reality people just make me uncomfortable. How do you become friends with people that you can't stand to be around (everybody).
